This is a complicated question with a complex answer. It has to do with our specific needs, our cultural indoctrination, our individual upbringing, our unique circumstances, and a host of personal choices and experiences.
Women in unhealthy, even abusive relationships unconsciously find themselves denying there are any problems. They make excuses, rationalize away behavior, and justify all sorts of things as they move deeper into the harmful partnership.
So, this post is intended to give ten clear signs that one is not in a healthy relationship and that the man you are with is not right for you.
If you are wondering if your relationship is a good one or if you should stay, or if maybe you are in the position of not consciously recognizing the problems, don't just quickly read through the list. It may be helpful to take some time and ponder and contemplate the idea before going to the next item. Reflect on your situation, your experiences, and your behavior before you totally dismiss the idea .
Here you go!
You know a guy is not good for you if...
- You are constantly making excuses for his bad behavior.
- There are times you feel fear and/or anxiety when you are around him. You are worried how he will react to you or to something you have done.
- You find yourself giving in to demands that are against your personal sense of decency or morality.
- His words of love do not match his actions.
- You keep justifying and denying those nagging feelings that something is not right.
- He tells you what you want and need.
- He tries to inhibit or damage your relationships with your friends and family.
- You find yourself wanting to inappropriate please him to gain his approval or love.
- You feel you have to live a secret life (that doesn't involve anything inappropriate) so he won't get angry.
- He has emotionally or physically abused you.
To be clear, I am a firm believer that people can and do change with significant help and appropriate intervention; and with lots of work.
However, when a relationship is harming your spirit, damaging your self-esteem, wasting your time and energy it is time to move on
There is no man on the planet worth this.
And, you don't have to have a man to have self-worth.
In fact, being with a not-so-great man is not helping your self esteem it is DESTROYING it.
Better to be without a man than be with a hurtful man who is not right for you.