Many women seem to have this need to be with a guy. We humans do like relationships but what is disconcerting is the idea that as long as a woman has a man all is well.
Not so!
Having a guy in your life should not be the dream; how about having a decent guy in your life?
A great relationship is one where both partners are helping and supporting each other, sharing their lives together, bringing out the best in one another.
Too often women seem to take whomever is available rather than pondering what is going on in her life as a result of the relationship.
So here is a brief list of some things to look for to help you know if a guy is not right for you:
You don't need a guys who...
1. Makes you feel like a piece of garbage
2. Lies, deceives and manipulates you
3. Can't be faithful
4. Doesn't think you are amazing
5. Can't stop thinking about former or future relationships
6. Is rude, disrespectful, and mean
7. Requires you dismiss or ignore your personal standards, ethics, and sense of morality
8. Embarrasses and humiliates you
9. Uses you
10. Abuses you!
I know this list is nothing new. We all know this but sometimes it is good to have a reminder so we can take a good honest look at the relationship and see it for what it is.
It is great to find a fabulous man and to have a healthy and vibrant relationship; what is not so good is to be with a guy who treats your poorly and who diminishes and degrades you.
No guy is worth giving up your emotional, physical, or spiritual well being.
If you are in a relationship that you know is harming your very soul, time to get out and move on. I know it is not always a simple and easy task nevertheless, best to not give another day to a man who is hurting your life!
Be safe!
10 thoughts and insights:
It's good to have a reminder, indeed!
In fact, speaking as a man, I think the VERY good way for women to screen out such men is to pay attention to one thing so obviously overlooked: How they talk about and interact with the most powerless people - namely those who are timid and nonassertive. How they treat the most weak, most helpless, most disspirited, and even most "wimpy" is a VERY sensitive indicator of what kind of person they are.
If he treats them in such a shabby manner, then that tells me he will do whatever he thinks he can get away with. That means that YOU need to spend time and energy watching YOUR OWN back and spend time and energy keeping YOUR OWN eyes extra open.That includes whatever he may be doing behind your back. After all, if he's uncaring enough to treat a defenseless person like that, then he certainly will have lower inhibitions against cheating and other forms of relationship abuse.
On the other hand, if he respects the feelings of even the weak, timid, "stupid" (whatever that means to him), or otherwise undesirable - then those are pretty good odds that the guy will respect YOUR OWN feelings too.
Given the above, which man is more likely to be abusive toward you. which man is more likely to cheat on you? I think the answer's obvious.
Works both ways!
Superb! I Love this blog! All is true about it!
Thank you!
Thank you for your site. It is encouraging and supporting.
I have been in a 3 year [D/s] relationship with a man who has done everything in this list plus more. And recently, I finally realized that even though he blames it on me, how I act or what I say... it really isn't me. It is him. And he is using the dynamics of such a relationship wrongly. My reactions given to him are a result of the abusive relationship.
I've accepted so much and forgiven him for so many things. I still was so giving and devoted to him. I think he thinks that it is still ok to do wrongful things that are mean and hurtful and damaging to our relationship. Another factor in this is his use of alcohol. He always drank since I've known him, but I now realize that he has a problem. And when he drinks all the things in that list, get worse...
I know I have to leave permanently and yes, it is harder to do than say. We've broken up many times. And for some reason, I either have to rely on him for something that brings us back together, or he calls a month later and i give into his words.
I do not ask for much, just someone who respects me, listens to me, reciprocates feelings of lust and love, support... those great things of a healthy relationship.
I can do better. I know this. I just hate giving up that last hope that we can have that great wonderful thing we always talked about. I do love him, but I don't know if I'm in love with him anymore.
Healthy mental reminders such as these are what keeps us on our road to staying away from stupid.
True, you don't need to say it, but hell like my ex used to say sometimes you can't just tap a person. Sometimes it takes hitting them on the head with a sledgehammer.
Many a nights I thought about doing just that to him since your ten things describe him perfectly... hence I left.
I have seen abusive men who are kind to small animals & weak creatures just as I have seen abusive men abuse animals & the ill.You cannot go by how a man treates those weaker than himself because often times there will be a front & many abusive men are only abusive behind closed doors! Until men start to report their abuse by women,they really can't complain so much because the law can only deal with those issues that are reported to them!
I really loved this post! I am going to be sending this to a friend of mine who I think needs to see this post. Thanks for sharing and feel free to visit me back :)
Good Post! All of those are valid Reasons and such a man needs to be dumped.
You are right1 Everybody deserves to be treated with respect and care.
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Right on. I can say, from a man's perspective, there's a whole lot more we can do under certain circumstances. Often, ive had the feeling i should just walk away, but other times i felt like i was hurt and i wanted her to see what she did to me, so i stooped to a lower level, but God has shown me the way. I have a mother, sister, female cousins, aunts, grandmother, i know how to love and respect a woman and i know i should carry the same respect to someone else's sister and so on...Be blessed.
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