We sometimes hear men claim women are just gold diggers They see a woman with a wealthy man and assume that the guy is a jerk and the woman is just wanting to get a rich man.
Do they have a point? What does it really take to be a gold digger and might you be one?
Well, yes there are those women who use a man for his money. No question about this. (I consider these women similar to men who use women for their sexual pleasure). Some women are not interested in a long term, healthy, intimate relationship. They want the fun and extravagance that comes with the toys; they want the prestige that may come as they attach themselves to a powerful male; they want the ego boost they feel by hooking up with an "important" man.
If this describes you read no further. This blog is not really intended for this sort of woman. This blog is about finding a great man for a healthy committed and loving relationship.
And, yes, if you fall into the above category, you are a gold digger. But let's move on.
Let's look a little closer at the dynamic of women attracted to wealthy men. It may be that some human females have inherited a natural tendency to want to attract a male with power. Thousands of years ago, when women were dependent on men for their survival, there was most certainly a survival advantage for hooking up with a powerful male.
Males with the most resources to share were able to keep their mating partner and any offspring alive better than those with fewer resources, specifically, food, shelter, and protection.
So there may be a instinctive tendency in some women to be drawn to men with more resources, or rather, a rich man.
Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting a wealthy and successful man in your life. Successful men may be smart, clever, or have a strong work ethic; they may have skills and accomplishments that are valuable to life. Again, nothing wrong with a successful man. In fact there is a lot to be said for successful guys. No question about this!
In addition, there are women who want a traditional family and want to stay home to parent their children, hoping to have a father who will support the family. This would require a man who is able to support a wife and children. Again, nothing wrong with this at all. It is a wonderful choice for many women.
This doesn't mean a woman just wants a man for his money, it means that a woman wants a successful, confident, competent man with whom she can share her life.
Emotionally stable and healthy women who want a happy marriage and a loving family are going to be attracted to men who seem capable of having both.
The problem comes when a woman mistakenly equates success with goodness.
In other words, just because a man is wealthy or successful does not mean he is a good man or would make a decent long term partner.
Not at all. In fact, some might argue that the most powerful men are actually less faithful and caring, but lets get back to the point.
This is what women today need to remember: in most of the world today, women are not owned by men, nor do they require a man for survival. It is no longer imperative to even attach to a man at all.
The primitive instinct to attach to a wealthy or powerful male for the sake of either survival or for the pleasure of the toys or prestige may be maladaptive. In other words, wealthy and powerful males today do not necessarily equate to the best husbands and fathers. (Just look around)!
Yet, some women may unconsciously place their desire for a wealthy "alpha" male over their desire for a good and decent man who will actually be a really great life partner. This of course could be problematic to say the least.
So, if you are attracted to wealthy, successful men, remember that they are not necessarily great men.
Indeed, they may be but not necessarily.
Take your time to find out, be clear in what is important to you, and don't let the appearance of power and wealth override your instinct in choosing a good man!
Do they have a point? What does it really take to be a gold digger and might you be one?
Well, yes there are those women who use a man for his money. No question about this. (I consider these women similar to men who use women for their sexual pleasure). Some women are not interested in a long term, healthy, intimate relationship. They want the fun and extravagance that comes with the toys; they want the prestige that may come as they attach themselves to a powerful male; they want the ego boost they feel by hooking up with an "important" man.
If this describes you read no further. This blog is not really intended for this sort of woman. This blog is about finding a great man for a healthy committed and loving relationship.
And, yes, if you fall into the above category, you are a gold digger. But let's move on.
Let's look a little closer at the dynamic of women attracted to wealthy men. It may be that some human females have inherited a natural tendency to want to attract a male with power. Thousands of years ago, when women were dependent on men for their survival, there was most certainly a survival advantage for hooking up with a powerful male.
Males with the most resources to share were able to keep their mating partner and any offspring alive better than those with fewer resources, specifically, food, shelter, and protection.
So there may be a instinctive tendency in some women to be drawn to men with more resources, or rather, a rich man.
Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting a wealthy and successful man in your life. Successful men may be smart, clever, or have a strong work ethic; they may have skills and accomplishments that are valuable to life. Again, nothing wrong with a successful man. In fact there is a lot to be said for successful guys. No question about this!
In addition, there are women who want a traditional family and want to stay home to parent their children, hoping to have a father who will support the family. This would require a man who is able to support a wife and children. Again, nothing wrong with this at all. It is a wonderful choice for many women.
This doesn't mean a woman just wants a man for his money, it means that a woman wants a successful, confident, competent man with whom she can share her life.
Emotionally stable and healthy women who want a happy marriage and a loving family are going to be attracted to men who seem capable of having both.
The problem comes when a woman mistakenly equates success with goodness.
In other words, just because a man is wealthy or successful does not mean he is a good man or would make a decent long term partner.
Not at all. In fact, some might argue that the most powerful men are actually less faithful and caring, but lets get back to the point.
This is what women today need to remember: in most of the world today, women are not owned by men, nor do they require a man for survival. It is no longer imperative to even attach to a man at all.
The primitive instinct to attach to a wealthy or powerful male for the sake of either survival or for the pleasure of the toys or prestige may be maladaptive. In other words, wealthy and powerful males today do not necessarily equate to the best husbands and fathers. (Just look around)!
Yet, some women may unconsciously place their desire for a wealthy "alpha" male over their desire for a good and decent man who will actually be a really great life partner. This of course could be problematic to say the least.
So, if you are attracted to wealthy, successful men, remember that they are not necessarily great men.
Indeed, they may be but not necessarily.
Take your time to find out, be clear in what is important to you, and don't let the appearance of power and wealth override your instinct in choosing a good man!
And, as always, listen to your gut!
Thanks to my friend Diana for her question!
Thanks to my friend Diana for her question!
2 thoughts and insights:
First of all, thanks for clarifying the difference between gold digging and a healthy attraction to success. I think it's an important distinction. Women who are attracted to successful men get a lot of flack, but men are never criticized for the equivalent pursuit of beauty and sex appeal. Whenever I hear a man ranting about gold diggers, I want to ask him about the last time he took an ugly woman to dinner!
On the other hand, it's true that wealthy men may be good financial providers but may not be good emotional providers, often for the same reasons that allowed them to amass wealth in the first place. Personally, I've passed up opportunities to date several wealthy guys because I didn't think they were men with whom I could fall in love and be happy. For those who want a good provider AND a good relationship, I would suggest a compromise. A relatively successful man (that is, one who makes a good upper middle class salary) can often provide for a family without succumbing to the temptations of materialism, workaholism, and grandiosity that seem to afflict so many CEO types. There won't be yachts in the Mediterranean or a mansion in the Hamptons, but chances are you WILL get a man who has more time and inclination to be an involved father and loving husband.
Another great post, Jennifer. The problem with "Gold Diggers" is that these women won't dig (no pun intended) deep inside to see that they even have a problem. Then they live their lives wondering why they are so miserable. I have a sister that is a "Gold Digger" and she believes she can’t be happy without a lot of money. It’s quite sad, but she won’t listen to anyone and even thinks others are jealous of her “status” when they try to tell her she could be happy if she gave up on the monetary value and concentrated more on quality.
On a different note. Go to my blog, Siren Sense, you have an award. It’s something fun.
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