Is He a Bear or a Wolf? You Better Know!

Let's talk about mating strategies for a minute.

Why?

Because if you don't know what a guy's mating strategy is, you just may not pick a good man.

Going back several million years ago, we see animals developing very distinct strategies to get their genes into the next generation. Both strategies seemed to work well for various animals.

We have those animals like the bear where the male is not interested in parenting, offspring, or even any sort of relationship with a female other than using her body for a quick moment of sexual gratification. The male bear tries to inseminate as many females as possible with the hope that some will grow to maturity with the care of the mother.

Then we have animals like the grey wolf who went with a different strategy. These fabulous creatures typically mate for life. Their strategy was to impregnate one female and stay around to help with the cubs to ensure they survive long enough to move into adulthood. (This ability for males to help with children is called parental investment and is an incredible and highly evolved development... fairly new in Homo Sapiens comparatively speaking).

But what about human males?

If you think of the above two mating strategies on two ends of a spectrum, human males are found all along the spectrum. They have the DNA of ancestors that utilized both strategies. However, over time one strategy may have become more pronounced than others.

Some guys have no interest in an actual emotional relationship with a woman and are all about getting into bed with as many females as possible. (This is a very primitive strategy).

At the other end we see some men who are passionate about one woman, who love having a family, and enjoy being with their children. (This is a more highly developed and much newer strategy).

Then there are all sorts of guys in between.

What we know through some extensive research is that about fifty percent of those men who commit to a relationship will be involved in promiscuous behavior, in other words, will have other sexual relationships on the side.*
What this means is that if you are looking for a long term relationship it is best to take a good hard look at the guy and be very aware of his sexual strategy. Chances are, whatever he has demonstrated will not change. As they say, "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior". Very true.

If a guy seems unable to commit to a relationship, is screwing every woman he can get, is constantly on the look-out for a new woman to use for his pleasure, guess what... he most likely is not going to be a great man for a long term relationship.

His sexual strategy just isn't conducive for a great long term relationship.

On the other hand, if a guy has demonstrated that he loves the idea of a family, wants an intimate and emotional connection with a woman, and clearly enjoys connecting in ways that go beyond the superficial or convenient, he may have in his DNA a strategy that is more compatible with a woman that wants a long term relationship.

Just do not assume that he is going to all of a sudden change just because he found you. Nope. Chances are slim to none. It is nice to think about and nice to hope for, but it is highly unlikely.

To be clear, I'm not suggesting people can't change. Of course they can and do. No question about this. And, of course if we find the person we think is right for us we are more apt to work toward the relationship.

But what isn't true is that a guy is suddenly going to completely change his instincts and behavior because of you. If he changes it will be because he sees the benefit of changing and works toward changing. Put another way, he sees the benefit of altering his behavior and makes the effort and commitment to do so.

While our DNA is powerful and potent, it also seems true that in some cases humans can through conscious effort alter their behavior and decide how and in what ways they want to express their genetic make up.

So, let's think back to a bear... they are just not interested in anything other than sex with a female. That is it. Nothing more. They spread their genes into as many females as possible.

We all know men like this.

Trust me... you don't want this bear sort of guy for a long term relationship.

On the other hand, there are men who more resemble the wolf; men who want a healthy and happy long term relationship and are determined to be faithful in order to have a fulfilling and loving marriage.

So... what is he?

Bear or wolf?

To read more about female sexual strategies read, Are you Fast or Coy?



*While the sexual strategies are different this stat is actually true for women as well, given equal opportunity.