Will a Married Man Leave His Family for his Mistress?

Do married men leave their wives and families for a mistress?

The answer is a profound, clear, resounding, NO.

Statistics for men leaving their wives and families for a mistress are somewhere around 2-4 percent, but of those, the relationships that actually become healthy long term partnerships are virtually non-existent.

All the women who are in a relationship with a married man, who think they are the exception are fooling themselves and not facing reality.

Why is it that married men do not leave their wives and families for that young, sexy, available mistress?

If a man says he loves his mistress (which may very well be manipulative behavior to keep another woman around), why won't he leave?

Lets look at this question from two perspectives:

First lets talk about biology and evolution, then we can go on to practical matters.

There has been extraordinary research done on relationships, partnering patterns, and sexual strategies. (Helen Fisher, David Buss, and Jared Diamond to name a few of my favorite researchers). What is clear and consistent, cross culturally and historically is that humans pair bond. What this means is that humans instinctively sexually, emotionally bond with one person at a time. There is no question about this, the research is robust. Now, about fifty percent of men (and women given similar opportunities), may have a sexual relationship on this side but they bond with one mate at a time. The affair is not the primary bond, it is sex on the side.

Humans enjoy the family relationship. They enjoy the bond that comes with living together as a family unity. The fact that men* may have additional sexual partners on the side does not ignore the reality that men enjoy the security, comfort, and love of a family. If a man is bonded to his wife and children, a woman or two on the side is not going to replace his family, it is just an additional bit of sex.

Evolution seems to have created a strong and powerful sense of familial care to ensure the survival of ones offspring. While this instinct may not even be consciously recognized, it is there nonetheless.

Here is what happens. Males (in many animal and bird species, including human) instinctively know that investing their resources in their offspring of the female to whom they are bonded give their offspring the best chance of survival. Some males however, engage in the sexual strategy of spreading their sperm with other females (promiscuous behavior), to allow the possibility that their sperm may result in additional offspring; offspring to whom they will not have to provide resources.

We see this sexual strategy over and over and over again in the animal world and in numerous human societies all over our planet. Couples pair bond and some engage in promiscuous behavior on the side.

Now, from a more practical perspective.

Why would a married man with a nice family leave for another woman? He has everything to lose and nothing to gain. Let's be really clear here. Why would a man who has a nice family destroy it for another woman when he can have his family AND extra sex on the side?

It makes no sense. Of course he will keep his family right along with whatever women will accommodate his desire for extra sex. You don't have to be a brain scientist or an expert on evolution to understand this.

So, for all the women who think their affair with a married man is going to end in some fairy tale romance where the man leaves his family for you, think again. It is not going to happen.

The passion, sex, and excitement is going to wear off; you will continue to be used for sex; he is not going to leave his family.

Your heart will be broken when he decides he no longer wants you around.

Is a married man going to leave his wife for a mistress?

Nope. Not a chance.




*Of course this is true for woman as well but this post is directed toward married men.

I found this fabulous photograph on Bob Mobile.