The Easy Way to Get a Guy... are you desperate?

Getting a man is easy... having a healthy relationship with a GREAT man may takes more care.

How does one get a man?

Just go to the local bar, show lots of cleavage, wear bright red lipstick, let guys know you are available and *poof* you will have yourself a guy. OK, so it may not be your dream man but if you are desperate for a man go for it.

The problem is, some women think this strategy is going to get them a GREAT man.

It is not.

Regardless of what some women think, seriously great men are just not interested in having a serious relationship with a desperate woman.

Think about it.

Desperate women are desperate for a reason. Desperate women aren't with a great man for a reason. Desperate women show their desperation and neediness for a reason.

Yes, I know some women find the attention that comes from men staring at their breasts gratifying, and some women get an ego boost by being picked by some guy at a bar, but all this has nothing to do with finding a great men with whom one can have a healthy relationship.

So again, here is what women must know:

Great men are not into desperate women. They just aren't.

So, lets explore what is behind desperate women a little more.

Why are some women so desperate for a man?

Let's discuss three important reasons:

First, of course we have those bothersome instincts and urges to find a mate. Of course these drives are very powerful, no question about this. However, we also have brains and hearts and can make decisions that rise above those urges that may not lead us in the right direction.

In other words, we can step back and analyze a situation and decide that we are not going to engage in behavior that is not in our best interest.

Secondly, many of us live in a society that promotes the belief that a woman must attach herself to a man to find happiness. This belief goes way back to ancient times when women depended on men for their very survival. Now, don't get me wrong, I think healthy relationships are fabulous and am a strong advocate and proponent of long term, intimate relationships. I think there is great beauty and brilliance in marriages and families.

However, I am not a fan of women attaching themselves to any not-so-great guy just so they can feel validated or feel like their lives are meaningful.

Many women feel that they are not significant, or life is not purposeful if they are not with a man, hence they get used and abused and thrown aside by less than decent guys. They become desperate.

Finally, low self esteem. Women who don't value themselves or think they are worthless typically don't discover great men. The lower ones self-esteem the less likely a woman is going to engage in a healthy relationship with a truly fabulous man. Strong, emotionally healthy women partner with strong emotionally healthy men.

OK, so what does a woman do if she is feeling desperate?

Here are six ideas to help you release your desperation:

1. Become aware of your feelings, your needs, and your struggles. Just acknowledging your struggles often brings you into a new frame of reference and provides some new perspective. Listen to yourself and notice your behavior.

2. Let go of that need to attach yourself to any guy to feel validated. Really think about this and let your brain realize how silly this whole belief is. Trust me, being alone is better than being with a not-so-great guy who uses and abuses you.

3. Do all you can to raise your self esteem and respect yourself. Be your best self, honor your uniqueness, work on your personal issues. If you need some help with this find a good therapist.

4. Engage in behaviors that bring you fulfillment and joy. What sorts of activities and hobbies do you really enjoy? Are you forgetting the things that really bring happiness while thinking that happiness is only found in a guy? Do you need to find an outlet for your creativity and a place for fun?

5. Help others. We all know that serving and caring for others brings a deep sense of fulfillment in one's life. Serving others is one of those activities that is almost a cure-all for what ails you. It gives us a more expanded awareness of life, raises our self-esteem, reminds us of what is really important in life. Where can you volunteer? Are there people in your life who may need your help? Can you reach other to others?

6. Cherish your relationships. Sometimes desperate women spend so much time trying to get a guy that their real relationships are left hanging. Reinvest in your loved ones, your true friends, and the people who truly care about you. Honoring those who will always be there for you by treasuring their love is one of the most important things you can do in life.

To sum it up... if you want to find a great man for a healthy long term relationship, stop being desperate.