Don't let a man become a priority in your life, when you are just an option in his life.
Too often women think they have fallen in love with a man, only to later, often painfully discover that the guy was not equally entranced.
Ladies, before you get involved, before you give your heart to a guy, before you become completely infatuated with a man, step back and ask yourself if you are a priority or an option in the guy's life.
If you are just an option, take note! Realize that you are most likely one of many, someone available for fun, and the guy is not in the relationship for the long term.
Better to be honest and clear than find yourself with a broken heart down the road.
I found a variation of this quote on my friend Surjit's amazing Blog: Gurushabad
12 thoughts and insights:
Hi Jennifer,
Thanks for sharing your insights.
I fully agree with your views:
...'Too often women think they have fallen in love with a man, only to later, often painfully discover that the guy was not equally entranced..'
I am grateful to for the mention and words of appreciation.Your thoughts always inspire me.
God bless.
Ha! I HAD to stop by and say great job on this post.. I am sharing this site with everyone I know because you share so really valuable insight
hmm.. I wish I knew this a few years ago but thats ok, I know it now :)
thanks!
I am actually dealing with this issue right now. I am having a talk with my significant other tonight. Long story short it seems to be okay for him to get upset when I want to cancel our plans to hang with my friends, but last night he canceled our plans not a few days later to go to see the exact same sports team with his friends. haha grrrrrrrrr there's my rant. It's not just that though. I find myself feeling resentful because I put more effort into the relationship than I feel he does. Now the tough part. I can remain resentful, or I can talk to him about how I feel and if I am still unhappy after that I should leave. That being something that I have never done. (Not in sobriety anyway). Back before I decided to sober up and try n become a better person I would cheat if I became unhappy, or just break it off very in a very cold mean manner. Send your thoughts with me tonight. I'm not used to this!
Very smart, Jennifer.
I would have spared myself a LOT of pain in mylife if I'd been able to decipher than from the first 3 monrhs and walk away - instead of hanging in there and hoping.
Things MUST be equal for there to be joy.
Hi Surjit,
Thank YOU for your always inspiring blog and you continual support!
Hugs,
Jen
Hi Jemi...
I'm so happy you found my blog!
I've had a lot of women tell me they wish they found this site a long time ago.. LOL!
Hopefully lots of young women will read it before they have to experience any not-so-great guys!
Warmest wishes,
Jennifer
Dearest Lauren,
I'm proud of you! :-) Seriously! I sense a strength growing inside you... as you are a flower beginning to bloom!
How did it go? How are you feeling about it?
Keep me posted sweetie,
Jen
Hi Annie...
Yep sweetie, you are so right.
Without equal concern, care, and investment, there is unhealthiness and someone gets hurt. :-(
Too often women, with our desire to please others and get along, get taken advantage of and end up in pain!
Love to you Annie,
Jen
Here's what I have learned. This is one of the major golden rules. I don't know if this has been discussed on this website because I just discovered Jennifer's site today.
Calling a man first is the worst thing a woman can do. Asking for his phone #, or him offering his phone # - these are bad ideas!
As far as I am concerned, and with what I have learned...I have to tell you ...it is like making a soup, or baked goods. If you have the right ingredients and you start the process of cooking and baking with everything in place with all the right measurements and proper timing...you get a very good to excellent meal.
When a guy calls a girl...FIRST...chances are greater that the relationship will prevail and not sour so quickly.
Just recently a guy offered me his phone number - he even said "to make things convenient".
I told him thank you, but no. I will not be calling him.
That's too bad. Because I really liked this guy a lot.
I also wanted to say....
When a guy offers his phone #....that means he doesn't really care that much, that he is not all that interested in the girl. He is lazy and wants her to do the work. He wants control and power over the girl. His ego is doing the "talking", instead of his genuined interest and concern.
So when a girl calls a guy, she has just created a bad omen. Now he knows she is easy, and he doesn't have to work so hard to please her, or date her. She is no longer a challenge.
This is not hard to figure out.
Men calling women is like a scientific-mathematical formula/equation:
Man calls woman = his is interested.
Man gives his number to a woman to call him = he is not interested.
A guy MUST MAKE THE FIRST MOVE.
That means he will more delighted to converse with the girl, he'll ask her out, make plans, wants to hear her voice, is interested in the details of her day....
A man who shows initiative is most likely a VERY GOOD OMEN for the future of the relationship.
Hi anonymous...
Thank you for your comments and insights!
I appreciate your additions and experience!
I'm not aware of any actual research showing proof of your theory but just my observation tells me that you are correct.
Seems guys like to make the first move doesn't it...
Thank you again for your thoughts!
Warmest wishes,
Jennifer
Hello Jennifer...
Oh I learned this all the hard way. I learned this not just from myself, but from my sister, cousins, aunts, friends, acquaintences, strangers...all kinds of people. Even the men...whether they knew it or not.
I don't care what anyone says, I don't care about the excuses they throw at me...
When a guy is interested he will call, he will make plans, he will be kind and thoughtful...the percentage of a decent/successful relationship is greater.
When a girl does the pursuing, the work, the initial moves...she is practically asking for trouble.
She has no idea what will entail... the resentment, the contempt, the lack of interest, the bad behavior a man is capable of when he tires of her ongoing attention.
I've seen it so many times over the years with so many people, myself included. Men are not to blame, women are. They sabotage, without realizing, possible great relationships - the one they are in or the one they could have had.
Women waste so much time and energy and for less than zero.
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