Breaking up is Hard to do... Ten ways to work through a break up

Breaking Up Part II - Ten ways to work through a break up.

Breaking up is one of the most painful experiences of the human. It often feels like one's heart is broken and will never heal.

While ending a relationship requires one go through the normal stages of grieving including, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance, there are some techniques that can help one work through the aftermath of a break up.

Following are ten ideas that may help during this difficult time. More than anything though, know that life will get better, the pain will end, and you will find happiness again.

1. Stop all communication, interaction, discussion, emails, phone calls, and texts. And, while your are at it, get rid of all gifts, mementos, artifacts, and pictures. Delete his address, photos, and various online accounts from your life. This may seem difficult but it is one of the best ways to move on. So long as you keep the wound open, it will hurt. The sooner you allow the scab to form, which you do by leaving it alone, the better.

2. Take care of yourself. This is a time where you need to do everything you can to stay healthy. While breaking up can lead to depression that often makes us tired, lethargic, and depleted, sometimes even eating enormous amounts of junk food, sleeping too long, staying up too late, this is a time to make sure you are doing all you can to nourish yourself. Eat nutritiously, sleep sufficiently. Do not use drugs or alcohol to repress the pain. It will only make it worse in the long run.

3. Allow yourself to cry. We tend to think crying is inappropriate or uncomfortable, and we certainly try to avoid it but crying is a release. It releases chemicals and emotions from our bodies so let your self cry. Again, ignoring, repressing, denying the pain is not helpful and can make it worse in the long run. You want to release the pain not cover it up or hold it in.

4. Keep moving. You want to make sure you are getting as many endorphins, the good feeling neurochemicals into your brain as possible. Walk, work out, take a Pilate's class, run, or do whatever you can to keep your body moving.

5. Get the feelings out. Most women find a need to express their sorrow and hurt. Many find talking with friends, journaling, or even blogging about the pain helps. There is on one way, so find whatever helps you get the emotions out and let them go.

6. Meditation, prayer, and pondering. People often find comfort in their spiritual traditions, beliefs or religious faith. For some meditation helps, for others just pondering is the best way to process the pain. Whatever you have found that gives you comfort is an important practice in which to engage.

7. Keep busy. While when in pain, we often want to stop everything and hide from the world, it often helps to remained engaged in life. Take the time you need to manage and process the pain but remain involved in life. Shutting yourself off from the world tends to make things worse. Do the things you typically enjoy, dance, paint, art, read, take a class, or go on a trip, not to run away but to stay engaged.

8. Surround yourself with love. This can be friends, family, loved ones, pets, or whomever you find that nourishes, supports, and comforts you. Often women take a break up personally, and start second guessing themselves, feeling unworthy, and insecure. By being close to loved ones you are surrounded by those who will assure you that you are wonderful! Reach out to those who can help. Allow others to be there for you.

9. Give yourself time. When we are physically hurt, our bodies require time to heal. So too with emotional pain. Emotions are neurochemicals floating around in our bodies and brains, and when we are hurt emotionally we are flooded with these chemicals that cause pain... and it hurts badly. It takes time to release them and to rebalance our bodies. Give yourself time, knowing your body and mind are brilliant and will take care of you as you process the pain.

10. There is life after this relationship. While in the midst of the pain of a break up, it often feels like life is over and there will never be a good day ahead but the truth is, you will get over this and you will find happiness again. Hold onto the hope even if it does not feel like the pain will ever end. Remind yourself that you have been through difficult times before and you will get through this as well.

Creating a list makes it seems like getting through a break up is easy. No... for many it is an extremely difficult time full of pain and sorrow. It is a time of grieving, hurt feelings, emptiness, and loneliness.

But the pain will end.

Give yourself time; be patient with the process; take care of yourself.

You will survive and life will get better.

When the sun sets, it always rises again!


Beautiful water color by Kathy Canfield Shepard.