OK... we are not expecting perfection here but guys that are impolite and rude are just not keepers.
Healthy and mature relationships take a lot of work. They do not just happen. They require effort and energy.
And if a guy can't express the most minimal levels of consideration and respect then he most certainly will not behave in a way conducive for a relationship.
The words and language we use often reflect attitudes and ideas, they may be good indicators of what is going on inside a guy!
The very basic level of consideration means one uses those terms we all learned in Kindergarten... things like, "thank-you," "please," and, "excuse me." These basic terms for polite living should be a requisite for a guy even beginning a relationship.
These are not difficult words to say, nor are they unusual, but it is surprising how many women will not recognize that her love interest is unwilling to use the simplest words to convey a modest level of politeness.
If a guy doesn't feel comfortable using these basic words, he may not be ready for a relationship that will require a whole lot more!
9 thoughts and insights:
I also look at how men (women) treat people such as waiters, the person behind a counter etc. If they treat them as people rather than servents I am far more interested in starting a friendship.
I agree with Jenny. If the guy cannot even express this, then it only goes to show that he does not respect the girl. There should be no acceptable excuses here, ladies!
Hi Peter... you are so right!
How people treat each other says a lot about their attitudes! For sure!
:-)
Jen
Hey Charlie... I'm right with you girlfriend! There are no excuses for being rude!
Lots of love,
Jen
Politeness and consideration very definitely matter !
Yeah Annie... I agree!
They are the very basic beginning.
:-)
JJ
Ok, I have a dilemma here, so I need some help. I've been dating this guy for 2 months that I met on an online dating site. He is divorced (his wife came out that she was gay), no kids, owns his own home, good job. He is very sweet to me. Made me dinner for my birthday, rubs my feet, never speaks to me in a disrespectful manner, thoughtful, mature, not into drama. However, yesterday we went to the museum in New York. I took him for his birthday. Several times, he would make these little "jokes" about the artwork - kind of in a loud voice. Comments like "Look at the ass on that guy!" I was shocked, because he seemed so quiet and considerate up until that point. I kept shushing him, but he thought it was funny and didn't really stop. Now I'm confused on what to do. What this an isolated incident? Should I just dump him right now? Should I wait? I'm just getting back into dating after a broken engagment last fall, so I'm a bit rusty! Any advice is accepted! thank you!
Hi Anonymous,
First, GREAT job noticing a red flag! :-)
Too often women ignore them or pretend they don't exist.
Now, I think we all have our bad days, and there are times we aren't always on our best behavior so I'm thinking one incident may not be enough to completely end the relationship unless that red flag is telling you something is seriously wrong.
Regardless, when we notice odd or disturbing behavior, it is a good idea to move forward very slowly...
Here is the thing, we usually put our best foot forward when we begin a relationship and slowly over time more and more of our not-so-fabulous self shows up.
Sometimes the really serious stuff doesn't show up for a while, but usually there are those red flags along the way. So be smart K?
None of us is perfect and we all have our little flaws, so as the relationship deepens one must decide if the flaws are a deal breaker or not.
If you sense something weird going on, chances are you are right... go with your gut!
Best of luck to you,
Jennifer
Thank you Jennifer! Yes, I am very perceptive when it comes to odd behavior. My last relationship was very abusive, so perhaps I'm a bit TOO cautious - which is probably a good thing! Anyway, you are right, it is probably too early to tell. I'd like to give it a chance. I am 32 and there aren't too many good men out there so I don't want to be too quick to toss aside a potentially good relationship. Thanks for your help, and I'll keep you posted!
Melissa
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