How Desperate are You?

Sometimes I just have to ask a woman... "How desperate are you?"

When I see women allowing themselves to be used, agreeing to exploitation, and accommodating degradation, I just have to wonder.

What is going on inside a woman who is so desperate for the attention of a male that she will hook up with the most unkind, despicable, and nasty guy? What creates this unhealthy need so powerfully in a woman that that she will give up all sense of dignity and self-respect for a man?

The reasons for this sort of behavior are complex and multi-faceted but the bottom line has to do with a combination, or integration of evolution, the mating hierarchy, cultural norms, and self-esteem.

In our animal history, mating habits evolved to ensure the survival of one's DNA.

To this end, for females, receiving some attention (sperm) from any male was better than receiving no attention (sperm) from any male. One mating encounter with a male increased ones chance of offspring over those who had no mating encounters.

For those female animals who did not align themselves with a "good" male (evolutionarily speaking), they would find any (or every) male around to offer their services in exchange for the possibility of impregnation.

Females in the animal world evolved to utilize whatever sexual strategy worked best for their particular species. This strategy obviously worked for much of the animal world.

But, this mating strategy, (to get attention from any male regardless of who he is) seems maladaptive and actually harmful to our human species individually and collectively! It seems particularly hurtful to women.

While there seems to be a remnant of this need in some women to find "any" man rather than be selective and pick only a "good" man, it is a trait that is best released, and overcome. It is behavior that should be in our evolutionary past.

Most women today do not "need" a male solely for their sperm or resources (money), nor are most women concerned with the need to carry on their DNA for the survival of the species.

We as humans cannot eliminate our evolutionary past, but we can rise above it, live consciously, and decide to make choices based on our human awareness rather than on our primitive urges.

Women can decide that they do not need to attach themselves to not-so-great men. They can decide that they do not need to degrade themselves so men will give them attention. They can decide that they are no longer willing to submit to abuse, disrespect, and humiliation just so guys will like them.

Often, women with poor self-esteem find themselves more easily accommodating less healthy relationships. They feel so poorly about themselves that they do not feel worthy of a great man, hence they attach to not-so-great guys. They are treated poorly further supporting their notion that they are worthless, and so the cycle continues.

To these women...no man is worth giving up your self-respect, your physical safety, your humanness. There is no primitive need strong enough that can makes it healthy for you to be treated in a cruel and degrading manner.

If you find yourself feeling desperate for a guy, notice what it is you are truly wanting in life, find it in yourself. Do not think some not-so-great guy's attention is going to bring you happiness, fulfillment, and love.

It won't.


For additional reading on this topic please visit my post, "Why Some Women Pick Jerks."