Guys that are crass, crude, and creepy are just not great guys for a relationship!
I recently conversed with a gentleman who shared a situation with which he was quite uncomfortable.
His former boss, a senior executive for a fortune five hundred company, while mildly polite in the company of women, was crude and crass and degrading toward woman when women were not present.
During business meetings and discussions this man had no compulsion to refrain from his vulgarity and demeaning remarks toward women. Seems he could keep his nastiness to himself when he had to but felt free to express his true nature when women were not around.
Real men do not, under any conditions disrespect women. It is not in their nature! They do not think it is funny to degrade women nor do they find humor in vulgarity. They do not take pleasure in demeaning others.
Contrariwise, not-so-great men exhibit crass and crude behavior without a second thought.
If you want to find a good man, remember what makes a great man.... crude and crass behavior do not a great guy make!
4 thoughts and insights:
Hi Jennifer,
Great post!
In general, insecurity, lack of confidence, feelings of inadequacy & failure make men obnoxious, disrespectful, controlling and abusive towards women. They throw their frustrations out.
But there is another variety of abusive men, from what I have seen. Men who are doing well in their careers, are sociable, confident etc...even they can be highly controlling, abusive etc in private. Such guys are not frustrated with life. But they are abusive anyway.
This is very wrong, and women hate it of course..but still I find that some women are attracted to creeps and obnoxious men. And even after they realise that the guy is a creep, they do not push him away, until it is too late. And slip into the clutches of a similar guy even after that. VERY tragic.
regards,
Vikram
You mention the fortune 500 fella who is abusive. Such people are not frustrated with life, still are abusive. Such people startle me more than the ones who harbour feelings of failure etc.
Hi Vikram...
Your observation of women attaching to not-so-great men is a good one!
And, one of the reasons I started this blog! :-)
What often happens is that women become attracted to a guy who may, at first be kind, polite, and saavy... when his true character displays itself the woman feels she has done something wrong, or she must "fix" the relationship, or she needs to do something more to "keep" the man happy. Lots of women have the idea that they are the ones who must keep the man happy at al costs forgetting that the guy may have his own issues to deal with!
It sets up a very unhealthy cycle for sure!
Women need to realize that a not-so-great guy is not one to hang onto....
Thanks for bringing out this very important point! :-)
Jen
Hi Jen,
Yes...women need to realise that a not-so-great guy is not one to hang onto, like you say...like this friend of mine---when I asked her as to why she was unable to pull out of a bad marriage and find someone else, her answer was 'the known devil is better than the unknown devil'.
At times this sounds like a convincing argument, at other times it does not sound convincing. *Shrug*
Difficult stuff, relationships.
Anyways, I feel that 'howtotellifaGIRLisajerk' is not a bad idea for a blog either.
;-)
Vikram
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