You had a great evening... you totally clicked.... he said he would give you a call tomorrow... it has been a week... he doesn't call. You call him, leave a message or two, he doesn't call back.
What do you do?
You get the message and move on. You learn from your mistake and create a great future for yourself without him.
If a guy doesn't call back, he is giving you a message loud and clear. He doesn't want to call you. He is not interested. That is it.
Unless he is in the hospital and can't use the phone, or kidnapped and sent to some remote country, or not alive.... if he isn't calling there is a reason and the reason is he is not interested.
This is not a message women want to hear. So they come up with all sorts of excuses... he is shy, he is afraid, he is busy, he lost my number, his mother needs him, whatever.
The reality is, women come up with excuses because they don't want to face the truth. The truth is the guy is not interested and is too disrespectful to speak with you about it. Easier to just not ever talk to you again and move on.
It hurts. Absolutely. It is not easy to face the reality of the situation. The good news is however, you do not want a guy like this. You can let this not-so-great guy go, and find someone who is great. You can learn from this mistake. You can move on.
Don't waste another minute on this. Grieve if you must (I'll give you five minutes), and then let him go.
You don't need to coerce, tempt, plead, manipulate, or beg for attention or to be loved.
Don't give your power away to someone who is not that great and who doesn't want you! Gather your strength, energy, and self-esteem and put the experience behind you.
You deserve a great guy. You deserve a guy who is respectful, kind, and decent.
And most of all, you deserve a guy who wants you!
31 thoughts and insights:
Wouldn't it be funny if he got his phone service cut off for not paying his bill. ;)
Steve~
Hey Steve.... yeah but (smile), tell me... as a guy... if you wanted to be with a woman and told her you would call her, you would find a way to contact her no? I mean if you really wanted to be with her?
I have a feeling most guys who really want to be with a woman would be resourceful enough to email, use a cell phone, borrow a phone, drive to her house, write a letter, ya know? LOL
Am I wrong? :-)
Jen
This one is easy...find another guy!
LOL... Comedy! You are exactly right! :-) I sure have skipped the post and just stated the fact!
Thanks a bunch...
Jen
Geeze..
I am so thankful I found this post.. I met this guy.. I kind of fancied him from the get go but we maintained friends for a couple of weeks.. Then we went out for a meal and drinks with friends.. I got drunk.. he was drinking as well.. we were kissing in the cab on the way to his place.. where i had originally intended to spend the night in the spare room since we were friends.. I had no intentions to sleep with him but it just happened. But thankfully I didnt have sex with him.. I didnt want to relegate our friendship into some drunk sex romp. I respected him too much for that and I was also to drunk and fell asleep. Morning after was really akward, stiff conversation.. he's not replying my text msgs and we didnt even discuss what happened..I dont know what to do.. He hasnt called back as well and it totally sucks..
This all makes sense, but in my situation the guy found me, we went out for a month and then he broke up with me cuz he was "too busy" for a girlfriend, when like 3 months later he showed up at my door and said he lost his phone number and he asked me to the movies, so we went and a few days later he asked if he could come over to watch a movie so i said yes. and one thing led to another and we had sex. but i figured he wanted to get back together with me or something. when he left that night he said hed call me the next day. a week went by and i kind of took the hint, so i went out and went bowling and i found him there fooling around with some other girl. :( so im guessing i was just a convenient lay :(
Hi Anonymous,
Ahhh sorry about that! :-(
Well, the bad news is that you were used but the good news is that you are not going to ever be used again! :-)
You are smart, you learned from this experience and from now on you will only date great great guys who are worthy of you!
:-)
Big hugs sweetie,
jennifer
Well this guy and i have liked each other for two years now but we always seemed to have another person instead of each other. Recently we started to hang out and have only hung out a few times. I have never slept with him or even kissed him, well because he hasn't tried anything on me, thank god. So i took him not trying anything as him really liking me and not just trying to sleep with me. We went to our schools football game last night and he told me to call him in the morning, which i did, but he hasnt called back and im not so sure why. I know he likes me, many people have told me so and i really get this vibe that he does. Im just really not sure what to do about it....right now it would be 4:45 my time and i called him at 6 am, 10 am, 12pm, and 2 pm.
I was wondering... so I met this guy at a party last night, and we really clicked. We sat under the stars, and I actually didn't feel awkward talking to him. He seems really mature for his age (16). I like him and I think he liked me too. He said he thought I was "cool," so I figured we'd start it off as just friends. He told me to call him the next day (today) so I did today at 12:30 in the afternoon. No one answered (it was his home phone because he recently had wrecked his cell phone), so I left a message with my number asking him to call me back when he got the message. Now it's 8:10 pm (which I know isn't that late), and he still hasn't called me back. Should I be doubting him, or should I just be patient since it hasn't even been a day? How long should I wait? Should I call him back? I really like him, and he doesn't seem like a jerk at all. (He's been friends with a good one of my friends since elementary school.) HELP!! Thanks!
Jennifer or anyone, can you please help me.
Hi Myla,
Thanks for writing!
I am going to assume this guy still hasn't called you right?
Here is the thing... if he has your number and isn't calling, well he just isn't interested in calling.
OTOH, if he has misplaced your number or didn't get the message then it may be worth another call.
If you think he didn't get the message and decide to call, one more change would be plenty.
If you still don't hear anything it may be best to move on!
:-)
Good luck sweetie,
Jennifer
Hi! There is this guy who comes in my bar all the time, we talk all the time have a lot in common. 3 weeks ago he kissed me and gave me his number. I never called( I wasn't sure what to say). Last week he came in and I was already done working. We hung out, he asked if I wanted to go hang out somewhere else, we did. Things got really hot and heavy, extreme chemistry( which I believe we both have felt for a while). We end up having sex, several times through the night. He was very passionate with calling me baby, telling me I was an amazing kisser and he could kiss me forever. He held me all night kissing my neck and back! Til noon the next day. Then I took him home, he said talk to you soon. Since then we have texted about 4 times each. Time I started it, but he immediately text back. But he has not come in or made any comments about seeing me again!! I work tomorrow night, should I text and tell him to come visit me?Now there are some big circumstances between us, he is 3 months into a divorce and I was dating someone from my work! Please help
Hi Anonymous,
Thanks for writing!
I hold to the belief that it is always best to end a relationship before you begin a new one. :-)
I'm guessing that you will save a lot of hurt feelings (possibly yours), and the mess that goes along with multiple simultaneous relationships if you hold off until you both end your current relationships!
Keep me posted!
Hugs,
Jennifer
Jennifer,
I have been seeing a guy for about a month. He called me daily 3 times a day, even when he was out of town on business he called as often as he could. I saw him when he returned and we had a great time. Then we went to a very nice restaurant for dinner and then breakfast the next morning. We had slept together but this particular night we could not, but I stayed the night. When we went out that night he told me he had lost his phone. When I left him the next morning he said he would call me once he found his phone. It's been a week and still no call. I called his phone - cell is all he has, left a message. still no call. What should I do?
Hi Anonymous,
Thanks for writing! :-)
My advice? Listen to your gut! (smile) What do you think (deep down) is going on?
I'm guessing this guy is smart enough that he could figure out a way to get in touch with you even if lost his phone, right?
And, most people I know either find their phones or get a new one as fast as possible.
It is just my observation that if a guy wants to get in touch with a woman, he will find a way.
Now, it may be that he does eventually get in touch with you, how about you take it slowly just to be certain he is really interested?
I don't want you to get hurt K?
Hugs,
Jennifer
Hi Happily divorced,
Oops, the above comment was for you!
:-)
jen
Thanks for all the help, Jennifer!
Hi,
I read your article, it makes sense. Here's what happened, had a first date with the guy, relaly clicked, great laugh, time, smiling, he said we should see each other again, told him to call me. It's been a week now. I did not call him, email him or anything.. should I try 1 call or email before letting him go completely and move on?
Tiana
Okay,so I've known D.J.(not real name) for a year,we've done all the little crush things : the hugging,the smiling,the stares when the other's back is turned,the touching,our friends(and family)have even ran and told us the other likes them.But,we finally told eachother we like each other:)So after that he got my number,but at the time I didn't have my charger(long story)and my phone wasn't charged,so I told him just to call me in a couple of days(which some guys do any way).When I finally get my phone,I charge it up,and no miss calls,or at least from any unknown numbers at all.It's been about 2-3 months and still no calls or texts,but for the last couple times I have come over to my cousins house(he lives over by them)he just goes on with his life,like whatever and still does ''crushy'' things with me,and last night he gave me his watch to keep (or he I asked for it,and he took it off)and he said he would come back to get it,but I waited all night he didn't come back through.And basically,the same thing happened today,but I found out from one of his''besties'' that he was on lock-down:( So at least I know he didn't purposely leave me hanging.
So after all of this my only questions are:
1)Does he STILL like me?
2)Did he just want my # to show off?
3)Why does it seem like he ignores me?(he will just wave at me,call my name,say ''Hey'' and walk off)
4)Why does it seem like he only lies to me about little things(age,birthday,etc.)
5)He never looks me in the eye when we talk,and I usually talk the most.Does that mean he is shy?(He said he was,but I still think it was a lie.)
I'm not a dumb girl,I now what some of this might mean,but still need a little help.
THANKS,
LOVE,CONFUSED ''CRUSHIE''??!!
XOXOXOXOOXOXOXOOXOXOXOOX
Hi Jennifer
It makes sense.
I just got out of a six year relationship and decided I was ready to start dating. I meet a guy every lunch time in a local diner and I decided to be brave ask him out. He agreed and then called me two days later and we arranged to meet up that follwoing weekend and go watch a movie. We did and went back to his place for a few drinks after, one thing lead to another and we ended up sleeping together. We had made plans for the next weekend and after lunch the following day I went home. I havent heard from him since I sent him one message a day later but never heard another thing. Im guessing he got what he wanted. Its frustrating because we had such a good time and he said he would call, why lie if he had no intention of donig so? Why make plans too, and not just say I had a great time and leave it there. Thats the frustrating part false hope. He is ten years younger than me I wonder if he's just too immature.
Katie.
Hi, I've had a similar incident. I met I guy through an online dating service. We've had 5 dates, really clicked each date was wonderful. Last Friday, a week ago, was our last date. The guy is a hunter and he said he would be busy scouting for deer over the weekend & visiting him mom in another town (all of which I believe.) He said he would call this week & we'd do something as he'd be hunting again this week. So far I haven't heard from him since the last day 6 days ago....So I'm wondering .. is he dropping me now or would he have just dropped me after the first date? I hate to even ask, I'm not comfortable calling him yet, so I guess I'll just wait it out? I met one other guy from a dating service which did not work out this week and I meet another possibility tomorrow. I'm not gonna sit around & waite on the 5 date guy, but I do wonder anyway?
Amen.
Well i met this guy like two months ago through a mutual friend we clicked then we exchange numbers. From that day he called all the time and text then suddenly he stopped calling. we kissed a few times and he called me beautiful and always wanted to be around me, suddenly all this stopped. when i called to ask him well how come he didnt call he had this attitude and was like "i'm a busy guy" so i was like ok but u wanted to be arnd me all the time before now you dont even call or answer my calls or msgs. he proceeded to go and tell my friend that i am annoying to much attn. i was like wat the hell is wanting someone who claims to like you to call or answer ur call to much to ask??
Yani
Hey Jennifer,
I've been seeing a guy once a week for the last 5 weeks at a place I go to dance. The second time we met was New Year's Eve and he was the one who made the move to kiss at midnight. Since then, he always kisses me when he sees me (not just a friendly kiss, a nice long romantic kiss), he only dances with me too. It took him 3 weeks to ask for my number. First week, he didnt call. I saw him again the next week and he claimed he forgot it before he could write it down and was very apologetic. He acted the same with me that night, very romantic etc... He said he got my number from a friend of mine and that he would call me. Well, he didn't. I don't understand what's going on. Why he's so interested in person but not honest with what he says. Do you think I should altogether ignore him, be polite but brief, or full-on confront him? I like going with my friend to this place, so Im not going to give that up just cause he's there. Thanks!!
Is this blog closed for comments? Just haven't seen mine posted from a few days ago. Thanks!
such a nice website!I don't really like the name of it,but still all those posts made me feel better.As WE (women)are much more complicated,we analyze things so deep and we are looking for excuses instead of simply confessing and seeing the real truth.So, I met one guy,really cute,actually I just noticed him in the bar where he works.I always go for a shy guy,maybe I find comfort in them and I feel like they can't hurt me.Anyway,as I am shy as well,my friends gave him my number to text me and he did. One night I went to the bar where he works but it was overcrowded (excuses again) so he didn't even say hi or anything,so my friends told him like hey this is the girl with whom you are texting with. We talked for a minute or so,he asked me out and IT'S BEEN 5 DAYS ALREADY no message nothing!I feel like my women pride has decreased a bit but I am feeling ok,the only thing I am questioning is what was wrong.I haven't experienced something like this ever before,not because I am a sex bomb or anything like that,I am really simple and normal.
Up until now, I realized that there is really nothing I can do,the same for the rest of the girls.If a guy doesn't wanna call or send a message the point is CLEAR !!!!!!
so i met this guy in january two days before my bday. (i've actually known of him since his cousins are my friends.) we hung out the entire night, dancing and he asked for my number before he left. (i refuse to take a mans number since i won't use it!) he called and was very persistent for the first month and a half. called, texted, made plans to see me at least 3 times a week and i actually met his family two weeks into it! we had crazy chemistry and were very much into each other. i was starting to fall for him. however, shortly after valentines day, things changed. he withdrew himself. maybe he got scared?? he no longer called or made an effort to see me. he would use work as an excuse ALL the time. but if his friends were calling him to go out he would no longer be too tired. there are too many details to this story to write but the point is, he went from being all about me to nothing at all over night. the part that bothers me the most is that he met my mom/nieces. i don't ever bring a guy home unless i'm serious w/ them. it just happened that we were going out in my neck of the woods so it made sense for him to pick me up (i live at home).
so, naturally, i'm having a hard time letting go even though its only been two months because of our undeniable connection. i am so hurt, disappointed and confused and just don't understand. he is terrible at communication and i haven't spoken to him. he does know exactly how i feel and what i'm looking for. he did send me an email a week ago asking me how i feel and if i wanna make this work, blah blah blah. but he has yet to call or make plans.
the bottom line is, he's just not man enough for me..but how do i let go??
If you call your boyfriend but he dosent answer you, but calls you back with another guy on three way what dose that mean? But before yall dated he would always call and you and him would stay up so late talking! what does that mean?
If you call your boyfriend but he dosent answer you, but calls you back with another guy on three way what dose that mean? But before yall dated he would always call and you and him would stay up so late talking! what does that mean?
Hi Jennifer,
to beginn with i'd like to say I really appreciate the time and effort u put in helping out many women.Thamks to you.
although i'm interested to know what inspired you into this.
so there's this cute guy who recently got in touch with me after a decade to help me out on something at his office.I couldn't recognised him over phone until he said we had written letters expressing feelings for eachother(nothing physical happened) back when i must have been 15.I laughed and said how hilarious was that when we were young but inside i was thinking i really liked him.
he called after 3 days and we taked for an hour during which he hinted he liked me but couldn't tell since i mentioned how easily people get into relationship these just like that.but overall the talk was pleasant and he invited me over his parents so that i could get my work done at the office since i stay in a different city.next day i called him but no response!he hasn't called back for 3 days now.if he calls tomorrow i'm gonna name him 3 days.lol.
What do u think Jen? it's been long time since i fell in love last.I'm with a guy who i care but cant love 100% since he cheated on me with his ugly ex.(another long story if u have time)
Best wishes...
What if you had just met this guy? He said you were cute, and asked you out, as his "girlfriend", the first day yall met. That same day, he calls you, and starts discussing sexual things. You agree to have sex with him but not until the next day. He keeps begging you to come over to his place in the early morning hours so yall can have sex. But you decide to wait until the next day. You do. you explain to him that you're a virgin. He's OK with that. And well, yall have sex. Not for long because it hurts, and you didn;t perform oral on him well either. He tells you not to tell anyone what yall did. He isn't in a hurry to get you out. He gives you the choice of staying or leaving. You stay for a few minutes and then leave. He calls you a few minutes afterwards, as u are walking home and says he's going to his mom's house and if you minded, which u don't. And you NEVER hear from him again. It has been a week and 2 days. You call his dad's house a few times, and he doesn;t answer once. One of those times his dad hadn't seen him in a few days. On facebook, he says that he is single and tells 'ladies' to hit him up. Wow, what happened to the 'relationship' with me? Was this for real? was the sex not good (didnt really give any indication that it was bad)? or was this a damn booty call? was he only calling me his gf to lure me to have sex? oh, also I'm a fool for giving him my virginity.
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