Ten Surefire Tips to Help you Realize you are Being Used!
1. The guy can't remember your name and keeps calling you by the name of his former girlfriend.
2. The guy can't look you in the eyes cause he is busy looking at other parts of your body.
3. The guy is only affectionate when he wants sex.
4. The guy wants to be with you exclusively on his terms, when and where he wants you.
5. The guy doesn't want to meet your family or get involved with your life.
6. The guy doesn't call you except when he is drunk or lonely.
7. After a sexual encounter, you never hear from him again.
8. The guy brags about his sexual escapades and conquests.
9. The guy is not interested in anything more than a one night stand.
10. The guy is checking out other women while he is with you.
You are a human being. You do not deserve to be used. You are worth more than this.
There are plenty of great men out there who treat women decently, respect women, and care about women.
Know your worth... be strong!
21 thoughts and insights:
You are right about this article..I've experienced this with my guy friend actually who only knew me if he needs me
Hi Anonymous,
Nice to have you here!
I'm glad you realized the dynamics of your relationship!
So often women know inside but don't want to admit it... ya know?
Warmest wishes to you,
Jennifer
I checked five out of ten, does that mean he's using me. After 3 months of dating I feel stupid asking the question, deep down I know the answer but wish I could change his feelings. The question I have is how do I approach him and let him know he hurt my feelings so that he may possibly have more respect for the next woman. Or is it me that has the problem and allowed him to treat me like this? If so how do I avoid this in the future?
Hi Dani,
Thanks for visiting!
First, I have posted a lot about listening to our gut. Deep down we know things that we may not want to admit to ourselves. Sounds like you are there, facing what may be reality.
I do think there is room for discussion if you think the relationship has potential, but if not it may be best to move on and find a guy ready for a healthy relationship.
I do think it is a good idea, when breaking up to explain the reasons, (information is often a good thing), but it not always necessary. Trust yourself and follow what you believe is the right and honorable way to share your experience and/or pain.
Finally, no it is not you. Many women have a tendency to want to keep relationships going. They may make excuses for staying with a guy they know is not a very good man, or may dismiss or even ignore problems at the cost of their own self esteem and self worth.
It seems our nature to want to forgive, hold relationships together, and give people the benefit of the doubt. These are all great qualities until they put us in harm's way, either physically or emotionally, and create a unhealthy situation.
I'm thinking you are strong and don't want to be used... good for you! You can find a great guy who values, respects, and honors you!
My best wishes to you Dani,
Jennifer
How long should you wait for a guy to call you after you just hooked up?
I was in a relationship for 10 months, kept asking him if this was only about sex, he told me he loved me, then one day while in bed with me, he told me he met an old fat lady who is rich and he is moving in with her, he calls me 3 months later to tell me he is in love. Well, we all know what he is in love with.
I've been having an on/off 'relationship' with a friend who is emotionally unavailable. He is insular and he and not very giving of himself. Recently we've been seeing each other but I feel that it is on his terms. I do not want to be his girlfriend as I do not consider him boyfriend material. I have been single for some time now and want affection mainly but some mind blowing sex wouldn't go amiss. In the past he has been witholding sexually but more recently he has been really into it which I appreciate. I have never had to work so hard in this situation. I have to guess if he's in the mood for sex when I am, and when I do and invite him over he often declines and says he wants to be alone. This leaves me sometimes feeling rejected and upset. On the other hand he is a good listener and has been supportive in the past when I've needed him. When we met intially we would talk for hours and he revealed to me what he was like and I believed him. I was at a low ebb and he was lovely to me. I'm beginning to think he may only like it when I'm vulnerable. I want to cut him off sexually but still be friends. I think this will be hard for me but I know I must do it for myself. Besides he had no trouble mentioning to me that he'd had a hot a date with another woman. Why wouldn't he afterall we are just friends. I would appreciate some advice.
Cherry, I think you're dating the same loser I just had to kick out of my life. Or maybe his long-lost clone. Either way, I know I'm no expert, but I DID feel better when I stopped looking to him for what I thought he was providing and started paying attention to what he actually was putting out there. And I found I didn't like it. Read your comment as if someone else wrote it, and pick out the parts where you find yourself going 'girl, pleeeaaaaase!' and ask yourself if those are things you're willing to be frustrated over. I wasn't and opened myself up to the possibility that he wasn't it and found a man that also may not be it, but he's a hell of a lot closer, and has his life under control, which is a big part of the problem for a lot of these so-called jerks (have you ever been postponed and rainchecked to death because "life is hell"?). You know what you want. If he's not giving it, what kind of sense does it make to wait for it? It's like trying to maintain a rose garden in the Grand Canyon. If you can manage to do that, I suggest you get your own site. And charge, because that information would be priceless :)
A guy i was seeing for a few months and have known for over 6 months is possibly using me. We were seeing each other about 4 months ago now but have kept in contact. When he is home from uni he will see me if he wants and other times he doesnt. Over the christmas break i have stayed at his few times but i havent had sex with him. I can't help but feel he is in love with his best friend who uses him when she is lonely and they used to be girlfriend and boyfriend until she cheated on him. How can I really tell? I think deep down he might be but he is a lovely guy and he looks into my eyes. I just don't know...??
Hi Anonymous...
Thanks for writing!
You state that you believe this guy is in love with his best friend, and that he sees you when he wants... what does your gut tell you?
Are you wanting a nice friendship that comes and goes or something else?
(smile)
Warmest wishes,
Jennifer
i was seeing this guy. and its true he didnt ask about my life. didnt ask about my family. however we did have sex when i wanted to about half the time. tho he was more into his needs than mine. he did talk to me at first. but the more we were together the more he just wanted to talk about sex.
I need a third person's perspective in this. I know you say to always listen to our instincts but honest to god, I CANNOT read this guy. I can't seem to figure him out. He vacillates and seems to be displaying both signs of being interested and not interested.
At times he is caring and would seem to be genuinely interested in what i have to say but sometimes he'd lose interest in the middle of the conversation and ends up talking more about himself. I hear guys tend to do this a lot when they're nervous (i.e. talk about themselves more) so it could be that he's nervous or really, truly, self-absorbed. I believe getting to know each other should be a two-way thing but our conversations often end up with what he likes, what he doesn't like. it'd just be nice if he'd ask questions about me too sometimes.
I have been sleeping with a guy 13 yrs my senior.This has been for 19 months.Once a week he comes over stays nine hours then goes.He left today after staying for eight hours, upon leaving he said'I should have gone home. I said why?His lame excuse I would have gotten more sleep HELLO I will never tell him I love him because of the obvious!
Hi, i've been with a guy for alomost 2 yrs now and he has been using me all this time.I know now that i want to leave him and cant carry on with all this anymore as i've lost my self respect and confidence.But whenever i make up my mind to tell him that its over, i end up just listening to him.I dont have the guts to tell him that i dont want this mental torture anymore but i dont know why im so scared.
Pls jennifer tell me what to do and how can i stop myself from sufferring and get my self respect and confidence back.
I have been involved with a guy for almost 4 years now and its been on and off. We moved in together at 1 year and he claims I drove him away by demanding he work or finish college... whichever would produce a man who takes care of responsibilities. After that he went on a sexcapade while I stayed monogamous in hopes that we would work things out. I want to believe that when he comes around its because he wants to repair what's been damaged but I'm afraid he's just comfortable with the situation as is and has no intention of making things work
I feel foolish...
thanks a lot! though i know how to feel about what is happening to my life, its still good to hear other experiences and insights... great site~
thanks a lot! though i know how to feel about what is happening to my life, its still good to hear other experiences and insights... great site~
unfortunately, i am at this point right now were i just feel so low...esp about being a side dish for this guy i really started to care for. he appraoched of me all i wanted was to be friends because i knew of his bad rep. he came back into my life and i thought i knew better but made excuses for him like maybe he really does care...but all the signs were there. he has a gf (who is on the other side of the world), he only calls/hangs out when he wants to (not when i do), he's narccistic, and he has the nerve to build me up after being dumped in a previous relationship and let me down. im just so angry with myself because i let him take advantage of me in my vulnerable state. i lost all of my self confidence/worth because i gave him what he wanted. my affection, my time, and of course gave into him...=/ he won and still has a gf. has his best friends, the attention from so many people (he's highly admired by everyone) i dont know how get back on my feet and feel good about myself again. ugh...please help me out. i need to love myself but i just don't know how =/
hey i'm 17 and I kissed this guy at a party we were both talking and I thought he really liked me he was really sweet and nice. But after we kissed its like nothing? When I was leaving he didn't even glance at me. I am trying to convince myself that this is okay, but he hasn't even added me on facebook. I want to believe we both were the same but I feel disgusted with myself. help.
I have been communicating with this guy who i think is very cute, but only is nice to me when its about sexual things. I noticed that just last night, the number 2 on the used list is exactly what he was doing. he only wants sexual things when i am around him which is rarely. He doesn't act like he likes me either. what should i do??
Hi Jennifer! I went on a first date with a guy a few days ago. He had a friend with him and said that the guy had been in a wreck and had to be picked up. So..I decided to have a good time anyway. The next day my date called me to let me know that he enjoyed our date and wanted to see me again. He also said that he would work around my schedule, and to let him know. However, the day before our date he told me he was having his hardwoods and carpet pulled up in his house, and that he would be staying in a hotel for a day or two, and wanted me to come "hang out". I told him absolutely not and that I was not someone's "hookup". He apologized and came to see me at work that day. He said he didn't mean it that way at all. What should I think?
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