Is it selfish to want a great relationship? Or to want a great man with whom you could share your life?
NO, no, and NO!
If we want to plant some beautiful flowers in our garden do we not do our best to find good healthy seeds, provide the right nutrients, sunlight, and water? Would we purposely not do what we could to bring forth the beauty of the flowers?
Of course not. So too in relationships.
It is healthy and human to want to love and be loved.
When we settle for a relationship that is hurtful (this doesn't mean perfect and flawless), or when we bring into our lives that which is harmful and degrading, we fail to create the beauty that is possible in our lives and in the world.
It is in the healthy (not perfect and flawless), relationship where we can strengthen another and be strengthened. Where we can bring forth the unique gifts that are within us. Where we can bring forth the beauty that is available when two people love each other.
When we are constantly degraded, demeaned, or hurt... when we feel belittled, dejected, or worthless, our spirits wither, our self esteem diminishes, our very confidence and strength evaporate.
There is nothing good about this.
Again, this doesn't mean that must have a perfect partner! We are human and all doing our best to survive and manage a rather difficult world.
What it does mean is that it is valuable to do what we can to make our relationships as healthy, supportive, and loving as possible. It is appropriate and smart to want a great (as opposed to cruel) man in your life.
Wanting a healthy relationship is not selfish... it is selfless.
It is not arrogant... it is altruistic.
7 thoughts and insights:
this is a wonderful post...I thank you for sharing it. Makes a lot of sense to readers of all ages!
Again, I think that any man or women could learn from the topical discussions, shoud they decide to take part in them.
Keep up the great work..
Come check me out sometime for some of my more controversial blogs.
Would love to see some feedback or thoughts of yours as well..
Thanks again!
Hey DC... I'm always glad to see a comment from you! I'll check out your controversial blogs! LOL! I always have an opinion or two! :-)
Blessings to you!!
Jen
But how do you know if problems are the good, work-together-to-strengthen-the-relationship type of thing or if when you're hurt, it's serious? I often feel like I'm getting hurt for stupid reasons and that I shouldn't feel that way..
Hi,
Is it a good thing to leave your husband when you stop smoking pot every day and he still does and you changed and can't deal with it or anyone like that anymore even tho he was a good dad otherwise to his 7 year old son?
That is what I did and I am glad for it but I am so lonely at times and broke, bored and with nothing to do. So, I found you site and I am enjoying it.
Comments anyone?
Perfectly true and perfectly said. Everyone deserves a great relationship, and nobody deserves an abusive or poisonous one.
I think it's also important to recognize that being in a relationship which is poisonous to you does not mean that your lover/beloved is inherently poisonous or defective.
If I become bored or tired and begin to be annoyed at the smallest thing I am less likely to treat my lover as deserved. Yet it may look entirely to me as though the deficiencies of my lover are the problem and that I am only responding to these.
I may say to myself "it is not selfish to want a great relationship, I deserve it" - and be totally correct - yet also fail to recognize my own contributions to my misery and others'.
To the extent possible I hope that all our human relationships, even those with people whose toenail clippings we have grown to hate, will be as healthy, supportive and loving as possible - if not necessarily in a romantic sense.
Hi, Jennifer.
When I met my boyfriend 2 ½ years ago he was signed to go to the army. Before he went to the base, he had a physical examination and he was told to that he had to wait another year before he could go back to get checked. So he forgot about the army and he is currently attending school for art (by the way he is a very good artist). We both attended the same school for a semester, during that time he was doing figure drawing. Even though I tried my hardest to support him and accept it, I felt extremely uncomfortable (Specially, when he tells me he has to draw men too). I tried so hard to ignore my feelings but the more I did the worst my feelings got, I use to cry behind his back after he got out of class. Now let me clarify, It is NOT because I am insecure or ANYTHING like that, I just feel as though seeing someone naked is intimate and drawing someone naked is extremely intimate. After a long time of denying my feelings, I decided to tell him. I told him what I felt and that I didn’t want to feel like that anymore. I told him, that there are other good women that would accept and support him in that area. But, he insists that he wont do it anymore because he understands how I feel, that he could study human anatomy from books or human anatomy classes. I bought him a human anatomy book, and he has not taken figure drawing for almost a year now, but I have a feeling this subject has to come out sooner or later. I don’t want to be selfish, trust me I’ve tried so hard, but I still feel uncomfortable and even though I want to make him happy I have to take care of my feelings too. Should I let him go, so he could pursue his dream without any obstacles, even though we love each other? What should I do?
-Jen-
Hi, Jennifer.
When I met my boyfriend 2 ½ years ago he was signed to go to the army. Before he went to the base, he had a physical examination and he was told to that he had to wait another year before he could go back to get checked. So he forgot about the army and he is currently attending school for art (by the way he is a very good artist). We both attended the same school for a semester, during that time he was doing figure drawing. Even though I tried my hardest to support him and accept it, I felt extremely uncomfortable (Specially, when he tells me he has to draw men too). I tried so hard to ignore my feelings but the more I did the worst my feelings got, I use to cry behind his back after he got out of class. Now let me clarify, It is NOT because I am insecure or ANYTHING like that, I just feel as though seeing someone naked is intimate and drawing someone naked is extremely intimate. After a long time of denying my feelings, I decided to tell him. I told him what I felt and that I didn’t want to feel like that anymore. I told him, that there are other good women that would accept and support him in that area. But, he insists that he wont do it anymore because he understands how I feel, that he could study human anatomy from books or human anatomy classes. I bought him a human anatomy book, and he has not taken figure drawing for almost a year now, but I have a feeling this subject has to come out sooner or later. I don’t want to be selfish, trust me I’ve tried so hard, but I still feel uncomfortable and even though I want to make him happy I have to take care of my feelings too. Should I let him go, so he could pursue his dream without any obstacles, even though we love each other? What should I do?
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