How to Tell if a Guy is a Jerk - Tip 32 - Sexual Harassment

There is no excuse for sexual harassment!

While sexual harassment may have been tolerated, and even accepted as normal "guy" behavior in the past, today it is a sure sign of a not-so-great guy with issues.

Now to be clear, it is not sexual harassment to open a door for a woman, or to say hello politely. We aren't going overboard here.

I'm merely pointed out that in today's society it is important to treat each other respectfully and appropriately without all the nonsense that used to be a part of society.

Wikipedia has done a great job of defining several types of sexual harassment:

Types of harassment

This list below is based on categories defined by Dzeich (Dzeich et al,1990) and Truida Prekel, a South African management consultant.[11] There is usually more than one type of harassing behavior present (Boland 2002), so a single harasser will often fit more than one category. These are brief summations of each type. For a more in-depth discussion on patterns and types of harassment, see Sexual Harassers (Please note, these are not "legal" definitions; burdens of proof must comply with the guidelines described by the government.)

The Power-player Legally termed "quid pro quo" harassment, the harasser insists on sexual favors in exchange for benefits they can dispense because of their position in the hierarchy: getting or keeping a job, favorable grades, recommendations, credentials, projects, promotion, orders, and other types of opportunities.

The Mother/Father Figure (a.k.a. The Counselor-Helper) This harasser will try to create a mentor-like relationship with their target, all the while masking their sexual intentions with pretenses towards personal, professional, or academic attention. This is a common method of teachers who sexually harass students. (For a good example, see Naomi Wolf's article, The Silent Treatment )

One-of-the-Gang Often motivated by bravado or competition, or because the harasser(s) think it is funny (AAUW 2006), One-of-the-gang harassment occurs when groups of men or women embarrass others with lewd comments, physical evaluations, or other unwanted sexual attention. Harassers may act individually in order to belong or impress the others, or groups may gang up on a particular target. An extreme example is Tailhook '91 during which participants sexually abused seven men and 83 women as part of a three-day aviator convention.[12]

The Serial Harasser This type carefully builds up an image so that people would find it hard to believe they would do anyone any harm. They plan their approach carefully, and strike in private so that it is their word against that of the victim.

The Groper Whenever the opportunity presents itself, this harasser's eyes and hands begin to wander--in the elevator, when working late, at the office or department party. They like to insist on (usually begrudged) kisses or hugs. Called chikan in Japan, the problem is so pervasive there that men are increasingly being banned altogether from stores, restaurants, hotels, spas and even entertainment outlets, and women-only train cars have been created.[13][14]

The Opportunist The Opportunist uses physical settings and circumstances, or infrequently occurring opportunities, to mask premeditated or intentional sexual behavior towards a target. This will often involve changing the environment in order to minimize inhibitory effects of the workplace or school(e.g private meetings, one-on-one "instruction," field trips, conferences)

The Bully In this case, sexual harassment is used to punish the victim for some transgression, such as rejection of the harasser's interest or advances, or making the harasser feel insecure about themselves or their abilities. The Bully uses sexual harassment to put the victim in his or her "proper place."

The Confidante This type of harasser approaches the subordinate, or student, as an equal or a friend, sharing about their own life experiences and difficulties, inventing stories to win admiration and sympathy, and inviting the subordinate to share theirs so as to make them feel valued and trusted. Soon the relationship moves into an intimate domain from which the subordinate finds it difficult to separate.

The Situational Harasser Harassing behavior begins when the perpetrator endures a traumatic event, or begins to experience very stressful life situations, such as psychological or medical problems, marital problems, or divorce. The harassment will usually stop if the situation changes or the pressures are removed.

The Pest This is the stereotypical "won't take 'no' for an answer" harasser who persists in hounding a target for attention and dates even after persistent rejections. This behavior is usually misguided, with no malicious intent.

The Great Gallant This mostly verbal harassment involves excessive compliments and personal comments that focus on appearance and gender, and are out of place or embarrassing to the recipient. Such comments are sometimes accompanied by leering looks. The "catcalls" of a street harasser are one example of this.

The Intellectual Seducer Most often found in educational settings, this harasser will try to use their knowledge and skills as an avenue to gain access to a student, or information about a student, for sexual purposes. They may require students participate in exercises or "studies" that reveal information about their sexual experiences, preferences, and habits. They may use their skills, knowledge, and course content to impress a student as an avenue to harassing or seducing a student.

The Incompetent These are socially inept individuals who desire the attentions of their target, who does not reciprocate these feelings. They may display a sense of entitlement, believing their target should feel flattered by their attentions. When rejected, this type of harasser may use bullying methods as a form of revenge.

Stalking can also be a method of sexual harassment.

Guys that still find sexual harassment entertaining, manly, or a source of power, are guys that need some help in understanding what it means to be respectful, professional, and decent.