Why are some men jerks? Well, it gets a little complicated.
I had a specific request to discuss this issues so over the next few days I am going to address this question from several perspectives, hopefully providing some insights into unhealthy and cruel behavior.
Today, we'll start with some general information. I want to change the tone of this site a bit and speak to this issue in a way more serious. In other words, the "girlfriend" part of me is on hold and the "therapist" part of me is coming out!
Most of my career has been working in the field of abuse. I began my career working with survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence, and children witnesses of violence. Over time I expanded this to include working with the abusers and batterers as well. My work has perhaps given me an unusual insight into the behaviors of hundreds of men who engage in hurtful and cruel behavior.
I hope my insights will be helpful as we all work to overcome some of the challenges that face us.
What I truly believe is that when we diverge from healthy behavior, we are in need of healing. Hurtful, unhealthy behavior is a reflection of significant issues going on inside the person... these issues need serious and appropriate attention.
I also believe that until the harmful and hurtful behavior is addressed, we, as a society, need to protect children and each other.
With that said, lets return to our question: Why are some men "jerks"?
The reasons people behave in inappropriate, hurtful, inconsiderate, disrespectful, unhealthy ways, are complicated. There is no "one" reason, and each person is unique.
Generally speaking there are three components to our behavior:
1. Our genetics, biology, neurology, and evolutionary history
2. Our environment, culture, and societal influences
3. Our individual issues, beliefs, ideals, experiences
Different scientists and experts may disagree on how important one or another component may be, or how, and to what degree each may influence behavior but generally speaking we can reduce behavior down to these three components.
To understand why some men engage in hurtful, unhealthy, or crude behavior we need to look at all three influences.
Over the next several days I hope to provide some insight into the reasons (not excuses), for unhealthy behavior.
2 thoughts and insights:
I just want to say thank you for you thoughtful advice. I noticed ther were no comments here (yet), so I wanted to leave thanks.
Jennifer,
As a martial artist for well over 2decades, I've spent a lot of time helping people bring peace and gentle power back into their homes, using positive means (setting reasonable limits, using time-outs, negotiating). Our men are not hearing what's going on in counseling..., mine included!
I think it's time society addressed what's really going on. Yes, offer genetics and environment.
We have a fair number of men who do what they want, when they want, based on a beliefs connected to imbalanced entitlement.
I believe we have to heal the double-standard and we have to address men behaving badly.
Case in point, I discovered last week that a fellow associate (who claimed he was a Christian, integrity-bound and a role model for the community)felt it was his duty to advertise on the social sites, "He was looking for a relationship". The guy is married.
I'm tired of hearing by counselors that 'women repeatedly attract people mimicking their nasty fathers'...when in fact, these men are acting out. They're downright toxic to women. Women can only identify these men early, staying away from any interaction. That's the only conclusion that works.
Women Protect Yourselves & Your Children,
bkb2012
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