How do you tell if a man is in love with you?
If you have to ask he is not.
Over the last few weeks I have had several requests for information to help women know if a man is in love with her. My first response is that if a guy doesn't appear (to you), in love with you, why do you want to know?
If a man is in love with you you deserve to know it by his actions, behaviors, comments, expressions, care, and concern. There should be NO question whatsoever.
If a man can't share or express his love for you (assuming he loves you) why would you want to be with him?
What is the difference between a man who doesn't love you and a man who may love you but doesn't express it or let you know?
Now, there are great guys who struggle with expression; guys who need some help with disclosing their feelings of love; guys for whom verbal expression is uncomfortable. But they usually find some way to express their love.
Men are not stupid and if they love you they will want you to know; they will find some way to assure you that they care.
If a guy doesn't show you that he loves you, in some way, he doesn't.
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54 thoughts and insights:
I have been with my boyfriend for a few months now. We started out as friends, and things started happening and we both realised we had feelings for each other. But he has not told me that he loves me, and I have not told him I love him. I love him very dearly though, and I have only not taken the plunge so to speak because I'm scared of what his reaction will be. But I am sure that he loves me, hes always so attentive and affectionate with me. My gut says he loves me. But the thought of saying those three words terrifies me, and Im not sure why.
(Nice blog by the way, very interesting read.)
Hi Anonymous...
I'm happy to have you here!
Yeah, saying those three little words can be scary for sure! It is like you put everything on the line... we humans do not like risking rejection, that is for sure!
You sound like you are taking things slowly and letting them unfold in their time, which is a very smart and healthy way to approach relationships.
Sometimes it takes a while to feel secure and comfortable in a relationship enough to share our deepest feelings.
My guess... there will come a time when you are no longer scared and you both will feel comfortable sharing what is in your heart!
Good luck... keep me posted!
Lots of love sweetie,
Jen
Hi. I have a dilemma. I met this guy at work in April. I only worked there for a couple of weeks but we got to know each other a well. We connected right away. He seemed very interested at first, in fact I was sure he was going to ask me out. The feeling was mutual. After 2-3 days of working together, he found out he didn't get accepted into the law school to the university where I do my undergrad work. He told me he got accepted into an out-of-state school. He started acting really depressed. He wasn't as open with me anymore. He still would glance at me and come close to me at times but he became more distant. All the sudden he started telling me he couldn't have a girlfriend right now because he wouldn't want to leave her. He would tell me this constantly. We have kept in contact via email ever since we stopped working together. His emails are short but I think he has a hard time expressing himself. He's made it clear that he wants to keep in contact even though he is going away to law school. He would always give me sure signs but would always follow with I can't have a relationship "right now". I am positive there were feelings both ways. When I gave him my number he said "cool, I'll put this in my phone". Last week he emailed me saying why he hadn't emailed me in a month is because he is extremely busy and is starting law school in a couple of days. He made a point to say he would talk to me later. My question is: Is he into me and just doesn't want to start a long distance relationship? Also, I got sort of an extravagant gift for him. It's for school. I wanted to surprise him and I don't know his dorm number, so I called the housing dept of the university and they gave it to me. I really want to surprise him with this gift and I think it would be sweet but would this overwhelm him or scare him off? Or is this an impressive gesture? I don't want to ruin any potential by coming on too strong. Please, help me. I've fallen in love with him and I don't know what to do. Can you help me, please?
Hi Anonymous...
Thanks for your question... :-)
I'm going to be honest with you OK?
When guys are into women, they make it work. They do the work. They don't let excuses get in the way.
I'm guessing there was some initial attraction, but do you really love him?
Often women meet a man and create a fantasy around him without even really knowing him.
It may be that you are in love with the fantasy you have imagined this guy to be?
I frequently hear women give reasons for a guy not calling or emailing, or contacting them... the truth is, when I guy is really into a woman, they figure out a way to see her, be with her, and interact with her.
You deserve a guy who REALLY wants to be with you! Right?
Listen to your gut... what is it you know deep down inside?
If the guy really wants to be with you he will find a way!
Best of luck to you... :-)
Jennifer
Hi there, I've been seeing this guy for over a year now. He's been living with me for about the same amount of time. I think that his feelings for me have changed. Lately he is not the same guy that would show me affection, tell me he loved all the time. Lately he has been very distance from me. I am concerned that he has lost interest in our relationship. he is not the passoniate guy that he use to be. How can I know if he still does love me. Please help me.
Hi Anonymous...
The fact that you are wondering makes me ask... what is your gut telling you?
Have you had discussions with this guy? Have you talked about your ocncerns? Your feelings? Your questions?
There are times when a man has a lot going on, has some personal challenges, or difficulties with work, etc., that may create some changes.
There are also times when a guy demonstrates his distance and lack of love because he is no longer interested in a particular women.
Of course I can't know what is going on but I would suggest you first discuss the matter... the changes you see and the feelings you have.
Secondly, listen to your gut... if your deepest self is telling you there is something going on, there is a good chance something IS going on.
Wishing you lots of luck with this... it is not an easy situation so be strong and confident in yourself K?
Warmest wishes,
Jennifer
Hi!
I met this guy at work back in April and it was very clear that there was a lot of chemistry between us. We both made eye contact a lot and he would always try to find a way to sit and chat with me. What i liked about him the most was that he was SO interested in me and wanted to know everything about me.
The only way for us to have an intimate relationship is if he formally proposes to my family because we are both muslim and can not have a romantic relationship unless we are married.
He never really expressed his feelings to me but it was very clear that he was interested and everyone at work noticed it. I also heard from some colleagues that he was thinking about proposing. But then suddenly, he became very distant and wasn't putting in the effort to be around me as he used to. I couldn't understand why he was acting that way!!! he's still very happy when he sees me but he's just not putting in any effort to spend time with me. I then heard from another colleague that his parents didn't want him to marry a woman who isn't from the same city that they are from. That answered a lot of questions but I'm madly in love with this guy now and have become really frustrated. If what my colleague said is true, i really need him to be honest with me and tell me exactly how he feels and why we can't be together. How do I make him talk to me as i can't bring up the stubject because we have never expressed our feelings to each other.
Please help!
hi jen, I just have to say i think this site is a great way to help all the women that arent sure about guys, cause lets face it i'm male myself and there are so many assholes out there and they disguise themselves like nice guys
Hey Anonymous...
Thanks for sharing your views on this!
Yes, there are lots of great men out there... and there are those guys who pretend to be great!
Hopefully this site will help women find the fabulous men!
Thanks a bunch,
Jennifer
Hey,
I met this guy last summer through a couple of guy friends. We started seeing eachother but by September it was time for him to move away to college (12 hrs away). We talk occasionally and he sends me gifts on special occasions. Once in a while he'll even send me little messages like "i wish you were here with me" and tells me he loves me.
I havn't seen him since he left and I'm not sure what to expect when he gets back from college for summer holidays. I don't know if having a relationship is a good idea since we'll both be in far away places once September hits.
I met this guy through work and at first i really didn't think anything of it but overtime i really started to like him. One of my coworkers said something to him for me and turns out he had liked me from the start. So we started hanging out a little bit but then he told me he had girlfriend but he couldn't help seeing me i dont know what to do because i care for him so much i know that what he is doing is wrong and we shouldn't be going out but i have a feeling he doesn't like me anymore because he never replys to my text and never calls me. He also has lied about were hes been see he works in fort mac but my friends have seen him in town when he has said he wasn't going to be here what should i do?
Hi Anonymous...
Let me ask you this... what do you think you should do?
What does your gut tell you?
I'm going to be honest with you OK? If a guy wanted to be with you he would call and text and interact with you.
It sounds to me like he has decided he needs to remain faithful to his girlfriend. And you seem to respect this?
I know it is difficult if you were hoping to have a relationship but you will find another guy who is available!
Best of luck!
Jennifer
I have been dating a guy for almost 3 yrs now. and weve lived together about 2 in a half yrs. Im ready for marrage he isnt. I dont think he finds me as attractive as he did in the beginning. i was 30lbs smaller. no children just exra weight. He says he loves me and wants a future together. But the way he acts some times i think hes just using me for a place to live. He is supposed to go to iraq in a few months and i think he will end our relationship before he goes. He says he wont but i thibk differently. why because we have broken up in the past and he sais sometimes he just cant take it. Hes a penny pencher too. lol i still love him dearly and i put up with his crap. not all about him his bad thow. i know im not perfect either but i just need advice on what i should do. do i stay or bail out?
I have been dating a guy for almost 3 yrs now. and weve lived together about 2 in a half yrs. Im ready for marrage he isnt. I dont think he finds me as attractive as he did in the beginning. i was 30lbs smaller. no children just exra weight. He says he loves me and wants a future together. But the way he acts some times i think hes just using me for a place to live. He is supposed to go to iraq in a few months and i think he will end our relationship before he goes. He says he wont but i thibk differently. why because we have broken up in the past and he sais sometimes he just cant take it. Hes a penny pencher too. lol i still love him dearly and i put up with his crap. not all about him his bad thow. i know im not perfect either but i just need advice on what i should do. do i stay or bail out?
Hi Anonymous,
Thanks for your question!
Well, I can't tell you if you should leave or not, only you can make that decision but let me share a few thoughts.
Is this the guy you want to be with for the rest of your life?
Is your relationship one you think will reflect your dreams and hopes?
Does this guy bring out the best in you?
Might your concern for the relationship be more about dependency than love?
Do you think it is possible with this man to have a really healthy and happy relationship where you feel loved and supported?
The thing is, too often women think they need a guy, they try really hard to keep a relationship going, they will do whatever it takes to not be rejected, and they think their worth is about pleasing the man.
I get the impression from your comments that you "put up with his crap" not really because he is a fabulous man and you have a wonderful relationship but maybe because you don't want to let go?
Here is my advice for you... listen to your gut. Really take time and ponder what it would feel like to have a really happy and healthy relationship. Visualize what it would be like to have a man you truly loved and who loved you.
Does your current situation match your truth?
The fact that you are not sure if you want to continue on in the relationship gives me a clue it may not be really working for you?
One other thought... the stronger and more secure a woman, the better choices she makes when it comes to relationships. IOW, the less needy the more a woman moves into a relationship that is healthy and whole.
OK... there you go! :-) I wish you the best of luck! Keep me posted!
Hugs,
Jennifer
This guy and I were in love for a while. He met some girl and and he ditched me for her. He and her fell in love, and she hates me for being a "boyfriend stealer" while I was really trying to stay away. I got in a huge fight with him and we didn't talk for half a year. We've made up and he's my friend again. Does he love me or care about me? Or is he just trying to fake it to lead me on?
Hi,
I've been stuck in the middle and need alittle advice. I've been dating a guy now for 5 months over the net and we are very happy. He tells me he loves me but I've told him that I haven't got to that stage yet to give him my love back even though I really like him and would love for us to be together in the future. He's a great guy and always knows how to make me smile. I've recently told a cousin of mine about my guy and I, and she disagrees with me being with him. It's hard because he doesn't live where I am because it's a long distance relationship and if in the future him & i go further, I want my family members to accept him but I don't know how I can. Should I just leave it how it is until my cousin realizes that I'm really into this guy or do I figure out something to try to make her happy with him?
Thanks.
I have know this man for just over a year now. we met before his divoorce was final but soon after the paper work was done. We used to live 3 miles apart and seen each other all the time. He was laid off fromhis job and moved 2 hours away to stay in a family home that was setting empty. He calls me every single morning and many times a day. He also emails and IMs when he can't talk on the phone. He comes into town once a week for church and what not and always stops to see me. he made a point to go to my daughters soccer games. He loves me I am sure of it. But is it the kind of love to make a life together? I think so but I think he is afraid of being hurt again and teh factt hat he still has not found work. I know I love him he brings out the best in me and makes me want to be a better person. He is such a good man with morals and manners and a great deal of love to give, how do I know if he wants to give it to me or am I becoming that comfy old pair of shoes you just keep around..
Hey... i know this guy for about 7 months now.....we started off as friends... n started liking each other... he proposed me and i said yes....but sometimes my mind says .. that he doesnt love me..
he doesnt show it..... am very confused....he once said he wants a relation with me... but he didnt force me... i appreciate that he didnt presurrise.. but am very confused if he really loves me.. pls help...
OK, so I am in the middle of a major divorce. I do not have any feelings or plans to make it work with my husband (soon to be ex). The divorce has been in process for a long time and about to be finalized by the end of this month. I have been seeing another guy for about 6 weeks now. We met one night, had a one night stand. He started calling me afterwards... daily. The problem is that I see him probably one time a week and I would like to see him more. He has expressed to me that I am married and he wants to take it slow until the divorce is finalized. I continually ask him to go places with me, but he rarely does. I can't figure it out. I am trying to respect his ideals, but it seems that if he was totally into me, he would spend more time.
Hi Anonymous, (Oct 5)
What is your gut telling you?
:-)
First, if your divorce is finalized in a few weeks you will know if your married status is the issue or not.
Secondly, you wrote that you continually ask him to go places with you but he rarely does. What would happen if you stopped asking him and backed off? Would he pursue you or would the relationship die?
Finally, I agree that if a guy was totally into you he would want to be with you a whole lot! :-)
Again.. listen to you gut sweetie!
Keep me posted!
Warmest wishes,
Jennifer
Hi Jennifer,
Men/guys/boys are completely confusing! I just got out of a HUGE relationship where I was going to move across the country to be with him but he "chickend out" so to speak. But Then this other guy came along and I figured instead of waiting forever for the one I thought loved me and I loved him....This other guy and I have been hanging out. But he has intentions to move back to his home state (3hrs away) after school and he pays off his loans. Could be a year or two from now. Only thing is, he keeps saying its just casual which is ok with me but the way he TREATS me screams something different. Like:
1. Paying for us to go to the movies.
2. Paying for dinner.
3. Driving out 20 mins to come out and meet me at car/bike shows.
4. Staring at me all the time.
5. Complimenting me constantly
6. Taking pictures of me w/his phone (normal, not naughty! hahaha)
7. Kissing, touching, running his fingers through my hair or touching my cheek whenever he can.
I'm really confused if there is more to this than just casual and we talk every day txt or phone. ..... Everyone says he likes me but how do you know if its that or if thats just the way he treats all girls no matter what?!
Thanks
Hi Jennifer,
Well good to find you here firstly... Well I am in a funny situation... I met this man and just as I fell in love with him I left him as that is what i generally do... (have always been scared of Love and commitment) but the very next month I came to know something that went wrong with him... something real unfortunate.. all this while I have been trying to forget about him but still in love... now during this trying period, I just wanted to help me... so I stepped forward and got him out of this situation... took about 10 months but finally did what I had to.. now although I helped him... in this period ive fallen completely in love with him.... keep dreaming of him every night and wake up with a smile on my face... he on the other hand is away from the country I live in now... how n what can I do to find out if he shares the same feelings.... Ive always been shy of him too so that makes it worse.....
Your help and suggestion would be highly appreciated...
Hi Jennifer,
This is probably my first blog ever, but I thought it was worth a shot.
About ten months ago, I met a man that I've come to think is my soul mate. He's become my best friend. The thing is, when we met he was coming out of a messy relationship and did not expect anything serious with me especially since he was due to leave for the coast guard in a few months. I've had my share of bad relationships and I also have a son, so I did not want to rush a relationship either. But since day one, we have connected in such an intense and unexpected way. Ten months later, we are still together, seeing eachother whenever possible though infrequent. We both agreed not to put labels on the relationship because we want it to progress naturally. He is not my boyfriend yet our relationship is very much like that. We've met eachothers family and talk about the future. Yet no formal committment has been made. Dont get me wrong I am happy, but I'm just ready to put a stamp on it and Im not sure if he is or if he just doesnt feel the pressure. he always says that he feels anxiety about losing me, but he just never expected to care about someone so deeply and doesnt really know what to do. meanwhile Im being super patient and now Im getting scared that he may be too relaxed because of it.
I dont think I can go past a year in this limbo state. I hate to make ultimatums, but is it really necessary?
Hi anonymous (11-06),
Thanks for writing!
Ahh relationships can be tricky can't they? :-)
I'm not sure how much discussion concerning your relationship you have had with your "friend" (smile) so it is a little difficult to know what he is thinking or wanting or hoping.
Certainly some open, honest, and deep discussion is essential to the relationship, espeically if there is the potential for a future together.
Having said this, there is one thing that I can share with you: The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Let me put this another way... is there any reason (from your friend's point of view) for the relationship to change? If you do nothing, is there anything that would move the relationship in another direction?
I get the impression from your comments that your situation is very comfortable for your friend which usually means that unless something changes, not much will change. (smile)
Ten months of a seriously close friendship is typically long enough to know if there is the possibility for an actual relationship.
Does that make sense?
You seem to be clear that if the relationship doesn't move into a committed partnership in another few months, you will move on, is that about right?
I think that is quite reasonable!
The best I can offer you is this... listen to your gut, know what you want, and honor your life.
I have a sense you are patient and intuitive... and strong.
Warmest wishes to you...
Jennifer
Hi,
I have been reading your blog and I find it very uplifting. I think what you say here should be part of women's education in schools. Because society and even families do so much to put women down that it should be public responsibility to empower women since they are little girls. I grew up learning that men are no good with my father's example (an alcoholic emotional abuser) and now I decided not to have any relationships with anyone as a defense. Also, I have enough trouble with men at work, so why have a man in my personal everyday life?
Things should definitely change. Someone should have taught me to demand for change in attitude rather than just avoiding contact. I do have quite a few male friends but I learned to be distant in order to be in control.
hey i have been with this guy for about a month n he is like never with me he is more with this girl friend n last time i saw him kiss her right in front of me that day i broke up with him then a couple a weeks later we went back n when were friends hes all badass flirting with me n stuff but when were going out i feel like hes just playing a game with he does tell me he loves me and stuff but like what should i do i dont know what to believe anymore should i give him another chance
Hi anonymous (12-20),
Thanks for writing!
I'm thinking you need to only be with a guy who will treat you as you wish to be treated.
Guys that are rude, disrespectful, cruel, or just nasty do not make great men nor do they create beautiful and healthy relationships!
Right?
Warmest wishes,
Jennifer
hey jenni.. juz thought of askin you over this.. its like i had an affair n it was goin quite cool..but soon he became possesive about me and we started fighting alot..n in that time i met another guy who was quite caring and we became close friends..we both started talkin alot..till 2am or sumthing..and that too daily..n den after sometime i just broke up with my boyfriend..but i couldn't get the courage of telling my close friend anything about my past relations..is that because i have fell in love with him(the guy i met later)?m really confused..please help
I have a question. I am in love with a child hood sweetheart of mine, and he is also in love with me. He constantly asks me to tell him I love him, but I get so overwhelmed that I just can't say it. Does that mean I don't love him. He tells me all the time, and it crosses my mind to say it, but I just can't!
Hi Anonymous (12-29),
Thanks for writing!
I'm hoping you can find someone with whom you can be honest and open!
The more you can be real and authentic the better! :-)
Warmest wishes to you and happy new year!
Jennifer
Hi Anonymous (12-30),
Thanks for visiting...
You said you love your sweetheart so I will assume you do (smile), so there is probably something else going on.
Sometimes people feel vulnerable, or are hesitant to be open, or just need more time... ya know?
Take it slowly and be honest with yourself OK?
Happy New Year and my warmest wishes to you,
Jennifer
So there's this boy that I've known for about 4 years now. And I knew from the first time I saw him I was inlove with him. He talked to me sometimes and was always awkward around me, but I never stopped thinking about him even when I dated other people. A couple of weeks ago one of his good friends told me he liked me and felt the same way, but he said he was to shy to do anything about it.
What should I do?
Hi Anonymous,
Thanks for writing and Happy New Year!
I'm one who believes that it is fine for a woman to ask a guy to lunch or coffee or a get together.
But there is a fine line between being friendly, available, and open, and begging, manipulating, and being desperate. (smile)
Typically if a guy is interested in a woman he is going to take some steps to be with her. If after an invitation or two he is not showing any signs of interest I would venture to say he is not the guy for you!
You want a guy who is not only interested in you but is confident and secure enough to work toward a relationship right? :-)
Warmest wishes for a wonderful year!
Jennifer
I've known this guy for 28 yrs, cuz we all worked together.him, my spouse and myself. needless to after we stopped working together, we lost touch. he and I had an amazing chemistery. We basically were in love. but we both knew we had to move . we were in love, discretely. Now after 23 years , his marriage and mine[2nd] I dreamed a bout himso I got a hold of his number and called him. he was elated.wE;VE TALKED A FEW TIMES SINCE..I told him i ALWAYS DID AND WILOL LOVE HIM. hE SAY7S HE LOVES ME TOO. hOW CAN i TELL IF HES STILL INLOVE WITH ME, AND MILAGE SEPERATES US QUIT A BIT. sO i have to know what to look for and listen for to find out if he stll really is inlove with me and if we should persue it.
Hi there is this guy that I'm talking to and we were talking before for a long time and then things started to not work out so well so we stopped talking. Then one day out of no where he texted me and said he really misses me alot and that he never stopped liking me. But at the time I had a boyfriend so I couldn't start talking to him again. Me and my boyfriend eventually broke up then I called him to see how he was doing because I hadn't talked to him in a while. And so we were talking on the phone and he told me that he had a girlfriend and then he said that he still likes me alot and had never stopped liking me even while I had a boyfriend. Then he broke up with his girlfriend for me so we could start talking again. So we are currently talking and we talk to each other all the time and he tells me that he loves and how much he cares about me almost every single day but he still hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend. So my question is: does he really love me? Why hasn't he asked me to be his girlfriend yet if he liked me for so long and now loves me???
Hi Anonymous 1-31,
Thanks for writing!
First, I am not quite sure if you are still married or not.
As always I suggest that one ALWAYS end a relationship before starting a new one.
And, I nearly always suggest making the marriage the very best you can before you end it (the exception being in cases of abuse).
But, if you both have ended your marriages and are ready to have a new relationship, I suggest you take it slowly and give yourself lots of time.
The thing is, sometimes our fantasy is just that. We have fond memories, we like the excitement, we feel elated at what may be unrealistic. You know what I mean?
Give yourself plenty of time to really get to know this new man... don't rush into anything.
OK? Best of luck sweetie,
Jennifer
Hi Anonymous 2-13,
Thank you for asking your question... I think a lot of women wonder if a man is really in love with them.
There may be many reasons a guy doesn't want a girlfriend. The best thing to do is to be honest with yourself and to have lots of honest discussions together.
If he says he loves you, you would hope that he can be honest about what he wants in life, and how you will be included.
I know it is often not easy to have those sorts of discussions but opening the door to better communicaion is important in a relationship whether it is a friendship or a intimate relationship.
Warmest wishes to you,
Jennifer
Dear Jennifer,
I have been talking to this guy for three months. Its supposed to be a casual thing where I do not get attatched because he lives in Michigan, I live in Kansas, he is 35 and travels for work anywhere between pennsylvania, michigan, and sometimes in kansas, and I am a 21 year old college student who doesn't know what I want from life. We talk once a week and he called me one night really late, (he was at the bar that night), while we were talking he asked me if I was in love with him. I had a panic episode and stuttered around and said I don't think it's possible. Then he asked, "Well do you think about me all the time?" I avoided the situation and he passed out while we were on the phone. That was about a month ago. So a week ago, we were texting back and forth he asked me if i was still single. I said yes. Then he called me and asked me again if I was single and I said yes. Two nights ago he called me and then said let me call u back. We were texting back and forth then and he asked me if I loved him. I avoided again and he kept telling me to answer him. The he texted me, "I luv u." i texted back that i luv him. We talked later on the phone and he said call me tomorrow. I said i would but he probably wouldn't answer. He said oh yes i will. Well...I called him and he didn't answer. He'll probably call. but does he really love me or why in the world would he want to tell me that he loves me? IN A TEXT MESSAGE! after that I asked him if he loved me as in being exclusive. He said u tell me. I would like to think that it would work but I probably see him once every 2 months or so....so not much but we talk at least once a week or so. I'm so confused.
Thanks, confused and complicated
Hi anonymous,
Thanks for writing!
Based on what you wrote, here is what I sense...
First, you know you are young and still figuring out what you want in life... you are in a stage of exploration and just beginning the journey! This is an incredible place in which to be and good for you for realizing where you are.
Secondly, you rightly realize things are not quite normal with this guy and the relationship.
I get the impression, you truly see what is going on but are confused because you've got some emotions complicating the matter.
So, here is what you do.. you listen to your gut. I'm guessing the anxiety attack was really your gut telling you something was amiss. I'm guessing the reason you are conflicted is because you know a normal and healthy thirty-five year old man should not be acting like this. First, he should not be picking up a 21 year old college student, he should not be pressuring, (or even asking) you to tell him you love him, and seeing a guy every couple of months is not really great for a relationship. But, I know you know this.
So, sweetie, again, listen to your gut, OK?
Best of luck!!
Jennifer
We have gone out for almost 1 year. He has met my parents and I met his. It has been pretty good, aside from the fact that he has never told me that he loves me (just 'really likes'), he's busy with his thesis almost all the time, and sometimes he'd call a day off meeting me to catch up with his friends (although sometimes asked me if I want to go with him). We met almost every night (but that's because we lived in the same apartment building-although we're not flatmates), except when he has other obligations. Oh, and although we often make out (once to trice a week), we've never made love.
The thing is, he's going back to CA soon, while I'm currently in OZ. He said that wanted me to go to CA to attend some weddings as well as to meet more of his families. I would honestly like to (though I'm scared), but I don't know if it's worth it. I kept on asking myself if this relationship is worth keeping or if I should just tear myself away from him before I can't anymore.. because my parents are urging me to decide, but I don't know what to tell them. I love him, but he might not love me back (yet?). Honestly I just wanted to stop thinking about this and enjoyed the moment until he's gone...
I have known this man for about four months. We've seen each other a total of three times. We talked to each other a lot on the phone and texted each other quite a bit. We have never gone longer than a week without talking to each other on the phone. He's usually the one who calls me. Recently he called me when I was home from college hanging out with friends, drinking, and he wanted me to go home so I could talk to him on the phone. He said to prove my love, I would go home to talk to him. I said no because I do not get to see my friends very often. When he found out I was back home he said "oh that's where u r?" That was at about 2 in the morning. He said okay call me when you get home. Well... I got home at 4:30am (5:30 eastern time, where he was) and I didn't want to call him because he gets up early really early to work and I didn't want to bother him. He called me at 6:30am and asked why I didn't call him and so I told him. He then said alright I'll call you later. I haven't gotten a call from him in two weeks. I even tried calling him a couple of nights ago and he didn't answer. But he never answers when I call him.
And earlier that week he had called me and he had to hang up for some reason and said he would call me back. So we were texting back and forth and he asked me if i loved him. (he had asked this before on the phone but i avoided it!) I wouldn't tell him so he texted me that he loved me. Then i told him i loved him.
I don't know what to do because I care about him and I really want to either talk to him or have some kind of closure. I also wonder if he thought I was messing around with another guy but I wasn't and I do feel kind of bad for not calling him.
How can he "love" me one day, continue talking to me for a few days and then go two weeks without talking to me? Does he love me or why would he bring up love if he doesn't?
Hello Jen.
I need advice on the dilemna I'm in. I dated a guy for 4 years. He was my first love. My first everything. He knows everything about me and would do anything in his power to make me happy. He has never yelled, called me inapropriate names or said one foul thing to me. I know that he may be the one I would end up with. For the past year and half we have been seperated, because I wanted to explore and see what else is out there. I didn't want to be one of those girls who never had any experience and could find something even better (alough I already had something great). Over the past year and a half we have still remained great friends and I have told him everything about who I date. Everytime I get serious with someone else, it absolutely kills him, but he deals with it and stays by my side as a friend.
Hello Jen.
I need advice on the dilemna I'm in. I dated a guy for 4 years. He was my first love. My first everything. He knows everything about me and would do anything in his power to make me happy. He has never yelled, called me inapropriate names or said one foul thing to me. I know that he may be the one I would end up with. For the past year and half we have been seperated, because I wanted to explore and see what else is out there. I didn't want to be one of those girls who never had any experience and could find something even better (alough I already had something great). Over the past year and a half we have still remained great friends and I have told him everything about who I date. Everytime I get serious with someone else, it absolutely kills him, but he deals with it and stays by my side as a friend.
This is an addition to my last blog. As I was saying. Recently, I have been dating a guy for a few months and it is getting serious. I want it to get serious, but the person I dated for 4 years is being torn apart by it. I feel so guilty that in some ways I still lead him on, because I don't want him to be out of my life. It is unfair to the person I am talking to now, because I know he wants to be with me and I want to be with him, but we argue about whats going on with my "x". I desperately want things to work with the person I am talking to now, but my "x" is coming in the way and I don't want to hurt him. Sorry this is so long... Any suggestions? Thanks Jen!
I dated a guy for almost 2 years. It had gotten serious and I loved him. I broke up with him over stupid fights a little over 2 years ago, and for a while we didn't talk. On and off for the past 2 years we have both had relationships but have always talked. Now he has been in a relationship for a while but he still tells me that he will always care for me and that in beautiful and that he knows its wrong but he likes me. He has said that he always wonders what it would be like if we dated again. He said he would like to see and is thinking he will break up with his girlfriend. But, since we had an ugly break up my friends don't like him so they don't know that i talk to him or hang out with him. I am not sure what to do because if I get back together with him he will be breaking this girls heart and my friends will be mad at me. I really feel that he is my one true love and he has said he feels the same about me. Do I risk loosing my friends to be with my one true love...what should I do?
I know if they are my true friends they won't care but they really don't like him so i think it will be like Hedi and Spencer on the show the Hills...she looses all of her friends because she chooses Spencer. Help, please.
Hi Anonymous 4-17,
Sorry it has taken me so long to respond.
I believe that one should never start a relationship with someone in a relationship! :-)
If this man breaks up with his current girlfriend then you can see how it goes, until then I think it is wise to stay away!
Best of luck... I know it is not easy!
jennifer
I am very confused with my current situation. I have been in a long distance relationship for some time and I am so sure that him and I loved eachother. Although at first it was never discussed who would do the move, I assumed that he would because
1) he loves the city I reside in
2) he hates the city he currently lives in
3) he's a professional and he can find a job much more easily than me
4) he's not that attached to his friends or family.
And now when I told him I cannot move, he's says he cant move because he doesnt want to start from scratch. He tells me, i have made my choice now you make yours. So time and time i hinted i dont want to move so we "ended" our relationship. So he would be cold to me. And then he would start talking to me as if we have never broke up. We saw each other 2 times after the initial breakup and each time i felt like he doesnt love me quite the same. It would be like honeymoon period for the first couple of days and then he would be cold and mean again. I dont know what to make of it. I do know that we have a very special connection that I have not been able to feel with anyone else. Whata should I do?
HI Jennifer..
Umm, I've known this guy for 6 months and I met him at a youth event. We started talking pretty much a lot for the first month. I really like him, but I'm afraid to admit it. There are differences between us but it doesn't really matter to me. I know he has a gf but it sounds complicated. Sometimes I would give him some messages but he doesn't reply all of a sudden. It's been 3 months since I talked to him and only today, since it's the holidays in Aust. he called me though I didn't know it was him until he texted me. He said "Haha kinda miss talking to you :P".. My friend said " obviously he misses you coz if he missed talking to you there had to be something about your personality that he missed, hence he misses you"... Now I'm really confused.. Does he like me? or doesn't he?..
i was i a relationship with a younger man whom i thought really loved me . but it took me 4 years of abuse and almost killed before i finally came to my sences. i am now out of the relationship. i have had broken bones , been on cruches, almost drowned, boosted nose , black eyes , raped and more that im still having problems dealing with. and women if a man dont change get out never stay. the had part for me was i loved him. and it was hard to leave. but no matter how had i had loved him sometimes love isnt enough. LOVE is to never hurt . i mean i was almost killed in the hands of the guy i loved. but there is alot beter men out there . anyone who is in an abusive relationship get out please before it is really to late. i almost didnt have the 2nd chance and all i can rmember was him telling me die bitch die. and all i could think about is i have to live to get out of this relationship. i just thank the lord that my kids was not there. he damaged the car so bad that it wasnt even driveable.but i have to quite here becouse i could write a book on my life as an abused women.
i was i a relationship with a younger man whom i thought really loved me . but it took me 4 years of abuse and almost killed before i finally came to my sences. i am now out of the relationship. i have had broken bones , been on cruches, almost drowned, boosted nose , black eyes , raped and more that im still having problems dealing with. and women if a man dont change get out never stay. the had part for me was i loved him. and it was hard to leave. but no matter how had i had loved him sometimes love isnt enough. LOVE is to never hurt . i mean i was almost killed in the hands of the guy i loved. but there is alot beter men out there . anyone who is in an abusive relationship get out please before it is really to late. i almost didnt have the 2nd chance and all i can rmember was him telling me die bitch die. and all i could think about is i have to live to get out of this relationship. i just thank the lord that my kids was not there. he damaged the car so bad that it wasnt even driveable.but i have to quite here becouse i could write a book on my life as an abused women.
hi jennifer,
i don't know what to do..i have one son.and i had a commitment before and we broke already for almost a year..i don't have feelings for him anymore...as months go by,i had met a guy..who is smart,kind and sweet..we tell each other secrets and insides..he is my company in my every problems ...he is always there for me...until one day he proposed to me that he loves me...and i love him too..and i know he has a family..he has a wife that he doesnt love.her wife works in other country ..because he doesn't want to stay with her wife...he only wants his child..
but before he proposes to me..he told me everything about his life..
and i told him too about me..
we are very happy when we are together..until one day her wife gets back..
and we are to be separated in a while..
he promised me that he will settle his problem..h wants to divorce his wife..so that well be totally happy..
i love him very much..he loves me too..but how can i trust him??
is it enough to wait for him jen??
please give me advice...
thnx very much.,..
Hi Jennifer,
I am 25 y.o., and recently my childhood crush re-entered my life after seven years of me being gone. Actually, he never really "left," per se, because he found ways to keep up w/ me over the years through one of my brothers. I never told him how bad I had it for him back then, and when I revisited my hometown, we met up. I wanted to meet up w/ him so I could gain a sense of closure over my infatuation (I had it that bad for him even during those seven years). That's when he confessed that he had always liked me and thought I was special because of the way I carried myself. We kissed and it was amazing. That was back in March during my b-day weekend.
We've kept in touch through phone conversation, text messaging, and e-mail; and in July we met up again. This time I actually gave him my virginity because I always felt he was special enough to give myself to. Prior to this, I already had pretty strong feelings for him (that I never mentioned), and we discussed that we both only wanted friendship (I had left a tumultuous relationship shortly after my b-day). He had been hurt before and so had I (plus we live miles apart), so friendship was best. We still spoke even after everything happened in July.
Recently, we had been e-mailing each other back and forth discussing one of our common passions, and everything was fine. That's until he came out of the blue in a reply and wrote "ANONYMOUS, I LOVE YOU." I was thrown off because this guy really isn't the type to just express something like that. When I replied, "I love you, but I guess you're meaning in a friendly, 'thank you for understanding' way," he simply retorted with an "lol". When I questioned him about it, he then text me and said, "I only love you like a friend, in a friendly way. I'm not in love with anybody." I was so embarrassed because I felt he found out my true feelings for him (he has this complex about women "catching feelings" for him). I freaked out and became overemotional, asking him why hadn't he initially said he loved me in a friendly way, telling him I would've understood, and letting him know I didn't wanna jeopardize the friendship w/ my feelings. I felt as if that "lol" was hurtful, and I let him know that too and how I was embarrassed. He then became upset and said that I was way too insecure and immature for him, and that's why he doesn't get involved. He then basically told me he didn't want to text me anymore. I've tried apologizing and calling bygones, but it's been to no avail. I feel really hurt and confused because he was so special to me, and he still is. What do you think about this situation? Was he just playing w/ my emotions? I really just want my friend back.
Hey, i have a problem. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 weeks now, i was introduced threw a mate and was speaking for 6 weeks. We are taken things slowly. We have a 4 year age gap im 17 he is 21. Im worried incase he is only after sex. He says he loves me and always makes the effort to come and see me. We do things together like going for a drink, i have met his friends and he has apparently constantly talked about me. My family really like him also, i do love him a lot, but worried to get to close incase it doesnt work out. He hasnt tried to make it more serious as of yet but he has mentioned it becoming more intimate. I need some advice on how to know whether he actually loves me or not.
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