If a guy is twenty years older than you he is not interested in you.
OK, he may be interested in using you but he is not interested in YOU.
I do not care what this guy says, how convincing is his language, how cool he seems to be, he wants one thing and that thing is not a healthy emotional, equal, fulfilling partnership.
Now, let me just say, older men who embrace their age, experience, and maturity are COOL. What is not cool are those older men who use younger women to try to forget who they really are.
You can find a great man who is interested in you; a guy close to your age with whom you will have something in common!
14 thoughts and insights:
you lost ALL THE LOVE I HAVE AND WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH A YOUNGER MAN ,HE WITH 2 LITTLE GIRLS WHO HE LOVES AND CARES FOR . THE MOTHER IS ACOLLECTOR A KEEPER A HOSTAGE HOLDER THRU THE RESULTS OF HER PLANNED TRAP WITH A MAN OF TENDER HEART...NOT TOWARDS HER...
I disagree. I am 20, and my boyfriend is 42. This has got to be one of the most asenine things I've read about relationships. He is the best man i have had yet. Sure, this may go for some men, but it's a very wrong thing to say about ALL relationships with a large age difference. I find people who think this way to be very close-minded.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly a year now, nad it's been the best relationship yet for me- all men I've dated who were close to my age, yes, EVERY SINLGE one of them, have just made me downright MISERABLE. I'm not kidding- EVERY ONE of them- they were all immature jerks who used me- THEY were the ones who were not interested in me. Never again will I go with a guy close to my age- I can't stand any of them- in my relationships, I want a MAN, not a boy. I am very mature for my age, and I no longer have time for the stupididty of a young man in his early 20's.
The man I am with now actually treats me with respect, cares about me and the relationship, is very conciencious, and takes me seriously. The other little jerks would wait about three weeks or so to even call me, or contact me in any way for that matter, never really spent time with me, or embarressed me in one way or another (being an ass in public, etc)
In conclusion, age in a relationship doesn't matter. Sure, there may be older men who use younger women for sex, but it's just wrong to say that about all of them. Just because your boyfriend is 20 years older than you doesn't mean he wants you ONLY for sex!
This kind of non-logic denies common sense. It is a well known fact that women mature earlier than men. She is ready for child bearing long before pubescent boys are ready to men and handle the responsibility that goes along with sexuality.
Younger men often have not chosen a path in life.
Younger men generally want experience over satisfying long term commitments.
Younger men are less prepared to weather significant personal or other crisis with their partners, not to mention offer wisdom [which comes with age]nor experience[which comes with age].
Here's an analogy for you: Think of life as a major highway and and living as an attempt to cross to the other side of that highway? Which would you rather trust your five year old daughter with
a. A five year old boy
b. An absent minded teen
c. A mature man
Not all older men are mature and not all younger men are immature. Not only is it dangerous to generalize a whole group of people, it is discriminatory. If this were a discussion about jobs instead of relationships, a suit for age discrimination would apply. Age discrimination happens with older people about younger people as well. In no case has the person who generalizes about any categorical specific of a human being really taking the time to think. Thinking is important. There is a good likelihood that the author of this post missed her best relationship ever because she ruled out older men based, not on her own personal experiences-which still are never the final say about any matter-but on a shallow cliche opinion. I find that the same women who use that line in their 20's, are the first to date younger men in their late 40's. What's up with that?
Hi Anonymous who is twenty with a forty-two year old boyfriend,
Thanks for sharing your comments. I'm glad you are happy.
The reality is, a health twenty year old young woman is at a VERY different place, or developmental stage than an emotionally healthy forty-two year old man.
While of course there are short term relationships that are comfortable and loving, I have yet to see one work out long term.
Based on virtually ALL research, there are typically unmet needs that bring two people in two very different developmental places together.
Why? Because if two people are healthy their life journey is in two different place if they are twenty years a part in ages.
It is not about being a nice or caring person, it is about psychological needs and how one has moved through their own personal developmental issues.
I invite you to read my post that explains developmental issues if you are interested: http://howtotellifaguyisajerk.blogspot.com/search/label/Developmental%20theory
Again, I am glad you are happy and most certainly wish you the best of luck,
Jennifer
Hi Anonymous #3,
Thanks for your comments.
Actually this post is not about discrimination... it is based on reseach.
As I stated in my above reply, emotionally healthy well adjusted human beings go through a fairly clear developmental process and a twenty year age gap truly does mean a man and woman are in two very different places on their life journey.
To manage life well, there are clear and specific stages one goes through. When a person does not meet the specific challenges presented by each state or goes through the stage in unhealthy ways, there are often unmet needs and people get stuck. In addition, as children we often have stuggles and trials that may create unmet needs... hence we may look for those needs to be met in a partner who may be much older or much younger.
As I posted in my previous reply, you may be interested in my post on developmental issues: http://howtotellifaguyisajerk.blogspot.com/search/label/Developmental%20theory
While of course there are always the extraordinary exception to any case, the reality is most relationships with vast age differences are not healthy ones, and they rarely last long term.
I have yet to see an emotionally well adjusted man in midlife have an appropriate, emotionally healthy long term relationship with a young woman twenty or more years his junior.
What I have seen is older men who try to hang onto their youth and who think that by getting a young woman they will be validated; men who haven't been able to move into adulthood in a healthy way, and men who are stuck in an earlier developmental phase.
My best advice to young women is to be cautious and realize the dynamics of what the relationship is really about!
Also, there are few teenagers or young women who actually want to be romantically involved with a man their father's age. The vast majority of girls and young women are attracted to others who are in a similar developmental stage.
Again, thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts!
I wish you well,
Jennifer
i'm a 29 yr old. woman engaged to a 43 yr old man.we been together for almost 2 yrs. we both have been married before.i was married for 8 yrs an he was married for 20 yrs.we're abouy ready to get married here in a few weeks.we're both excited about getting married& being happy.we're very much in love!it wouldn't matter if there was 20 or 30+ yrs in age difference.i can honestly say i'm treated well. compared to any man that i've ever been with close to my age.
Emotional age is a big consideration also.. I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 20, about to be 21. We started dating when I was 14 and he was 18. At that time we were both pretty much on the same level; but now I feel like I've matured so much faster than he has, even though I'm younger. It's scary to think about, especially since age difference doesn't get much credence once you're past teenage-level.
wait so 4-10 years isn't a big difference in age right? -gum
What if the age difference is the woman being appx. ten years older than the man (and they both are over 30)but the woman looks much younger than her physical age?
You are so right. My ex husband is almost 16 years older than me. I don't know why I ever married him. I don't recall ever being in love. Anyway, I am convinced that he never was able to move into adulthood in a healthy way, and still stuck in an earlier phase of development. I was too young to realize this. I married when I was only 21. He is now 51, and he still doesn't know how to do laundry, or cook for himself. He is incapable of interacting with our children without antagonizing them, calling them names, and being verbally abusive. If men have not grown up by the time they are 37, they never will!
Forget the age gap critics & focus on common interests (of which there are many that are not specific to any age group).
I am 22yrs old and the person I am dealing with is 32yrs old and I seriously can see myself being with him forever. Younger guys just dont do it for me, they dont have there priorities together. I always wanted a man I can look up to for advice and experience in life so I rather have someone who has been here longer than I have.
hey guys. well i am 18 and my boyfriend is 15. we are 2 years and 6 months apart. IS taht a bad thing?
I am 45 was seeing a 34. We have ben seeing each other on and off for 2 years. The gap of 11 years always was in my face and he kept remining me of it. Dating younger man is emotionally unhealthy, so choose wisely and make sure you know what you want out of it before you get into it.
Life is full of surprises and you just don't want to be surprised one day when the guy walks out on you without thinking anything of it.
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